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by anotherlyf



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Hospital, Doctor/Patient, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Killing Eve Week 2020, Soft Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:35:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 25,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26344240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anotherlyf/pseuds/anotherlyf
Summary: Eve is one of the best neurosurgeon in the world, dedicating most of her life to medicine. Villanelle is a famous actress from a well-known family. Sometimes, people think life will be enough once dreams in life are achieved until they wake up one day and realize that everything has changed, yet find themselves longing for something money cannot buy. How much they are willing to risk for love?orThe Doctor/Patient AU: If your past meets your present, which one would you choose?
Relationships: Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova
Comments: 53
Kudos: 81
Collections: Killing Eve Week 2020





	1. Reputation

**Author's Note:**

> TW: mention of car accident

People all over the world has been coming to St. Thomas Hospital in London for two reasons: People in need of a specialist in neuro that take great risks with a very high success rate and medical students who desperately want a chance to be taught by the goddess of neurosurgery. THE great Dr. Eve Park.

It's the first day of the interns, hospital is burning with passion coming from the young ones starting their journey to being an actual physician. Elena, Hugo, and Kenny along with the other interns are preparing in their lounge. It is a small room with several lockers and chairs in between.

“Kenny Stowton, Hugo Clinton and Elena Felton! Dr. Park is at the end of the hall!” 

She hears the head nurse shouting while she takes one of her patient's chart, reading. Back facing the other end of the hall, just to make a dramatic first impression. She hears her interns talking with each other as they walk towards her. They are still few feet away but probably not aware pf how loud they are speaking. 

“I heard your mom is the Chief here, must be why you’re under Dr. Park. Huh?” Hugo asks Kenny.

“Oh, come on, don’t be a dick, Hugo. I heard you are under Dr. Park because you are from Oxford and mommy has connections on the higher-ups,” Elena quickly retorts after seeing the embarrassed look on Kenny’s face. 

She slowly turns around to face the interns, fixes the position of her square black eyeglasses, and coldly stares at them. They stop in front of her as they can feel the atmosphere changing just being in front of her. 

_Oh. This is going to be fun._

“Hi, Dr. Park! I am Hugo Clinton from Oxford,” He introduces himself with a smile that intends to charm and reaches a hand out towards her. She just looks at his hand then back at him. Hugo quickly retreats his hand. A little embarrassed on what he did. Eve eyes them like she will burn them alive with her gaze.

“I have five rules and try to memorize them: one, don’t bother sucking up cause I already hate you. That’s never gonna change. Two, answer your pagers at a run like your life depends on it.” She points at the pagers on the nurse station and starts to walk fast. Interns grab their pagers then notice that their attending doesn't wait for them so they literally leap to catch up behind her. 

“Your first shift starts now and lasts 48 hours. You are interns. Nobodies. Bottom of the surgical food chain. Run labs. Write orders. Work every second of the night until you drop and don’t complain,” She says as she enters a room and stops at the doorway. 

“On-call rooms. attending hogs them and sleep when you can. Which brings me to rule number three: if I am sleeping, Don’t. Wake. Me. unless your patient is actually dying. Rule number four: the dying patient better not be dead when I get there. It doesn’t make sense when you wake me up for a dead patient. Clear?”

Hugo raises his hand.

“Yes?”

“You said five rules, that’s only four.”

Eve’s pager starts to beep. 

“Rule number five: When I move, you move,” She starts walking again towards the office of the Chief of Surgery. “I have a patient arriving today. She’s in a coma for almost a year now due to an accident. Recent scans show no indication of abnormalities. She’s being transferred from another hospital. Read her chart and do every scan you can think of to figure out why she is still in a coma. First to know will have the chance to assist me in one of my surgeries.” She says with a smirk is evident on her face. She hates interns because they are nosy, but she finds great joy in teaching them while making their lives a living hell. She knows how this kind of challenge sends interns all over the moon just to find answers.

As they turn right, Dr. Carolyn Martens suddenly appears in front of them.

“There you are! I can see that you started having fun with your interns as early as today.”

“Good morning, Chief.”

“Good morning, Eve. Ready for today?”

She notices how odd her chief is acting and that makes her interested on this case even more.

“Yes. I reviewed her chart this morning and I ordered a new set of scans just to make sure.”

“Meet me at my office after lunch? I would like you to meet her father. A great friend of mine.”

“Sure.”

At that, Carolyn disappears quickly just as how she appeared out of nowhere. Eve starts giving orders.

“Dr. Felton, you are in the pit today. Dr. Stowton, run labs. Dr. Clinton, room 1210 needs assistance on the kid as he tries to poop out the head of his Lego toy. Kindly assist him. I’ll page all of you when the said patient arrives.”

Eve continues her usual routine. She starts her rounds for her post-operation patients and takes her time examining each of them. She is very hands-on with every single case she handles and that is only one of the many attributes that make her a great doctor. She may appear harsh on interns but fellows, nurses, and aids respect her a lot. She is cheerful and easy to work with. No wonder why everyone wants to work with her one way or another.

After several hours, she receives a page to Carolyn's office. She knocks twice before coming in. In the middle of Carolyn’s big office is a man with salt and pepper hair sitting across her. Carolyn gestures for her to sit beside the man and introduces them to each other.

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Astankova.”

“It’s nice to meet you too, Dr. Park. I heard you got a big reputation. I hope you will be able to help my eldest.” 

Eve sees the pain in his eyes at the mention of his daughter.

“I will do everything I can, Sir. May I ask what happened? I mean I know about her medical history based on her chart, but it may become handy knowing the whole story.”

“Car accident,” Konstantin simply states but his eyes start to get wet as he reminisces what happened, “My eldest picked up my wife from a social event that night. I was sick but my wife still insisted to go because it’s the fund-raising event that we organized to help orphans. My daughter’s car was an Eleanor Mustang, but she is a safe driver. Always follow the rules. However, on their way home, there’s a truck with a malfunctioned brake. My daughter tried to dodge the car as much as she can, but it was too late. The truck accelerated too fast coming from a blind side of the road to the crossing where the truck crushed my daughter’s car. My wife engulfed my daughter in her arms immediately,” A tear falls on his cheek and he wipes it with the back of his hand. 

“She did not make it. Dead on arrival. On the other hand, doctors had to retrieve my daughter twice as she flatlined. They said it’s a miracle when she got through the night due to her body’s extensive damage. From then on, Villanelle’s in a coma. They did every scan on earth but was not able to figure out the reason why she’s still asleep.”

Eve offers the tissue box and Konstantin gladly accepts it. Wipes his face and tries to compose himself as best as he can.

“Sorry for your loss, Mr. Astankova. I will repeat your daughter’s scans and we’ll go from there. Okay?” 

Konstantin thanks her and as soon as she walks out of the room; her little puppies are there waiting for her.

“Good, you are all here. Ready to meet our first patient?”


	2. I don't know you yet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eve's interns found something new on Villanelle's latest MRI brain scan.

When Eve enters the room, she quickly notices the blonde’s peaceful expression on her face. Konstantin is beside her daughter, holding her hand. Ms. Astankova is certainly well taken care of, her room smells like fresh linen but not like the usual antiseptic smell of hospital's rooms. She's wearing a silk dark blue pajama set, making her skin glows even more. Eve proceeds with her usual check-up routine and notices the muscle atrophy with her patient. Loss of muscle mass is inevitable with patients in coma for a long time even if physical therapy is continuous. 

“Dr. Felton, present please.”

“Patient Villanelle Astankova. 28 years old. Suffered from a car accident that caused extensive damage to her body. Post-operation day 300, doctors performed an appendectomy due to the damage in her appendix caused by the accident. Ever since she is in coma without any abnormalities in her recent scans and lab results.”

“We are going to run a new set of scans just to make sure that we will not overlook anything that can possibly cause her unconsciousness for a long period of time. As of now, I encourage your family and loved ones to continue communicating with her. We will let you know as soon as we know new information about her.” 

Konstantin nods with a set of hopeful eyes.

“Dr. Felton will continue her physical therapy to avoid more muscle atrophy as much as we can. Dr. Clinton will take her for her scans and Dr. Stowton will monitor her vital signs,” Eve looks at her interns, “I want to be very hands-on to all of my cases. This one is no different. I know nurses and aids help on the responsibilities I designated for the three of you, but I want to look at this case from every angle possible with a new set of fresh eyes. You will spend your first shift here figuring out what can we do for our patient. Pay attention to little details and go back to basic. Page me if anything is unusual. Clear?” 

* * *

The interns’ first shift is about to finish in two hours. Elena turns the library upside down for anything that can possibly help their patient. Hugo flirts with different nurses for the past days to acquire information. Kenny, with the greatest advantage of all since he basically lives in this hospital, buries his face on the scans and lab results just like how Dr. Park instructed to do so.

At 8:00 in the morning, Eve enters the elevator with a cup of coffee at hand and a phone at the other.

“Good morning, Omma. I just arrived at work. Have a good day and don’t forget your meds! Call me back when you can,” Eve says, realizing that her mom is probably out with her auntie Jenny in the garden. She reminds herself that she really needs to visit her mother this coming weekend for their usual lunch out. Being a doctor means having no consistent schedule, but Eve promised herself that she will always make time for her mother no matter how busy she gets.

“Eve! Please hold the door for me!"

She presses the hold button and waits for her best friend to come in.

“Is jogging while wearing long sleeves, khaki pants, and white coat a thing now?" She teases, pointing at Bill's outfit.

“Good morning to you too, Dr. Park,” Bill mumbles as he tries to catch his breath after a sprint. He fixes his coat and wipes the sweat forming on his forehead, “I heard you're giving your interns a hard time already, Eve. Isn’t that too early? Ms. Astankova’s case is unique, and many doctors examined her already. If the real doctors were not able to figure out something, isn’t too much to put your interns under the pressure?” he asks.

“Oh, come on, Bill. The internship is hard one way or another. They might as well focus their efforts on something beneficial for a patient. Besides, I will reward their hard work if appropriate to do so.” 

The doors open, Bill sees Eve’s interns waiting for her at the nurses' station near the attendings' lounge.

“Want to see what they have for us?” Eve smirks, trying to hide her excitement about what her little puppies were able to find out. 

As soon as the interns feel the presence of their attending on the same floor, they pay attention to her like a hawk to its prey. Hugo and Elena are looking stunned by her as she walks on the hallway like it's her runway. She cannot blame them, they usually see her with her blue scrubs and white coat. She’s wearing a blue jumpsuit under a black mackintosh trench coat paired with black pointed pumps, her hair is down that frames her face perfectly and black sunglasses on the top of her head. 

“Shit. Now I know why they call her the goddess of neurosurgery.” Hugo whispers under his breath beside Elena who stares at Dr. Park as if she is seeing some Hollywood actress walking towards them.

“Buenos Dias!” She says cheerfully teasing her interns who look like walking zombies at this point, “Any news for me?” She adds.

“I found a study where they use deep brain stimulator to wake up patients in coma. The therapy uses wires placed in the brain attached to an electrical stimulator implanted under the patient’s skin. However, this method requires further study," Elena answers.

“Good research, Dr. Felton. However, our patient still has brain activities so I don’t want to intervene in the process that may or may not help her. It’s a risk we are not ready to take at this moment. “

Eve looks at Kenny who is holding a brain MRI scan and trying to see something out of it that he totally forgets the people around him.

“Dr. Stowton? Care to share with us your thoughts on those scans of yours or do you and the scans need some room alone?” Kenny pays attention to her immediately. 

“Uhm, no. Sorry, Dr. Park. It’s just that I think I can see a very small aneurysm in her cerebral cortex,” doubtful of his observation, he hands her the MRI.

The attendings lead them to an imaging room, Eve hangs the scans then closely examines those with her bestfriend. 

“There, as you can see, a small blood clot on her cerebral cortex that controls one’s consciousness. Good job, Dr. Stowton," Eve says, impressed by her protégé she's been teaching ever since his SAT to medical school. Kenny lives in this hospital since his mother spends almost all the holidays in a year working and Eve finds him different from any other kids. He's brilliant, probably because of his good genes. 

“Most of the time, doctors prefer to wait and see before going into surgery since some cases can resolve on their own; especially if the aneurysm is unruptured and very little. However, in our patient’s case, the aneurysm is in the area where her consciousness is controlled,” Bill explains.

“It may or may not be the cause of her coma but it is worth a try. I will talk to her family and we will schedule a craniotomy as soon as possible to clip her brain aneurysm. We are going to proceed with a microsurgical clipping,” Eve adds and looks at Kenny, “Dr. Stowton, I hope you prepare yourself very well. You will assist me in this one.” 

“Good job, doctors. Now, get some breakfast and go home. Rest well. I’m sure this one will let you experience hell and back for the next upcoming day," Bill says while teasing her best friend in front of her interns. 

Eve's teaching method is harder compare to others. However, Eve knows that he knows how great she is and how her method produces a lot of great doctors whether they pursue neurosurgery or not. She may appear harsh on other people but being with her from medical school until the present time allows him to know Eve from inside-out. Eve Park is a strong woman, but she is not a stone-cold, hard nor heartless doctor some people think she is.

Eve and Bill head to the attendings' lounge then change into their blue scrubs and white coats. They continue their day as usual, Eve takes her time to examine each of her patients. She performs routine surgeries the whole afternoon. At the end of the day, she decides to talk to Ms. Astankova’s family.

Konstantin and Irina usually have been coming at dinner time. Irina has her school and their dad is busy running their company alone.

Before Eve is about to go inside her patient’s room, she notices Irina is talking to her sister through the aquarium type window. She stands outside of the room, not wanting to interrupt an intimate moment. She sees her holds her hand and squeezes it from time to time. Eve can see that Irina is trying not to focus on being sad as she talks and tries to smile at some point even though tears are falling down her face. As Eve watches the two, she does not notice the tears falling on her own.

Eve is not the type of doctor who attaches herself to her patients. She does not know why she’s crying or maybe she does. All she knows for sure is that her heart hurts so much that her eyes reflect it immediately. 

_Bloody hell._

She quickly wipes her tears and tries to compose herself as much as she can manage before she informs the family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We'll get to see V soon. Hang in there. :)


	3. Breathe

As time goes by, Villanelle's sleep is getting deeper until her body doesn't feel like hers anymore. She cannot even recognize herself. She's screaming but no one hears her voice. Sometimes, the darkness is too tempting to be with and never look back--stop fighting. But she just can't let go, especially when there are two voices captivating her. 

“I’m going to kill you myself if you don’t wake up, idiot. Don’t try to leave me with dad alone, you know I cannot handle him myself!”

Pain hits her abdomen, almost taking her soul back to her own body. A body weight crushing her insides. _Irina._ Her sister's wailing does something to her, she swears she can feel her chest tightens. Everything is just painful. Too much. “She left us. Don’t leave us too. Ple-Please wake up,” she hears, over and over again.

If there is one thing she's sure of, it is she's been here for awhile now. Too far gone from reality, stuck. She feels asleep but she's restless. Nothing makes sense anymore. 

“Villanelle? Can you hear me?” she chuckles. 

_Who are you? you're new, yet you sound familiar._

"I am such an idiot for asking that. Maybe I am, no? I came here to talk to you but here I am for hours and I can’t find the right words to say,” her voice cracks “I am so sorry for leaving you, V. I’m sorry for breaking my promise to hold you no matter what, for not being here sooner than I can. Am I too late?”

Villanelle's heart breaks in a million pieces for reasons her stupid mind won't let her remember. _Good, at least I know I still do have a heart._ The woman fills her ears with sobbing for several minutes until it comes to a halt.

“Please come back to us. I will do everything you want. I am here now, and I will not leave you whether you want me or not. Just please, wake up,” she begs. 

_I would if I could._ Loud beeping noises and rushing footsteps cloud her mind, disappearing the woman's voice along with it. 

Everything has changed the moment she hears another woman's voice conquering the silence of her mind, “It’s a beautiful day to save lives people. Let’s do our best.” Scenarios starts playing, vivid and realistic-- like she's watching a movie of her own life from a VCR player.

**Villanelle is walking on a red carpet wearing a black low cut backless tube dress, plain black high heels, and her strawberry blonde hair was styled in wet slicked back. She looks genuinely happy, posing for the photographers from left to right. People were chanting her name, reaching for her hand, and asking for pictures. Lights flashing from cameras around her , capturing her beauty.**

**She’s so happy holding her newborn sister in her mom’s hospital room. “Welcome to the world, little one. I am your sister and I’m going to give you so many chocolates!” she says with her little voice. Konstantin and her mother is laughing at her, telling her she'll be the best sister in the world.**

**She’s driving her Eleanor, one hand on the wheel while the other one is holding a beautiful woman's hand. She kisses her hand and her face lights up with a spark in her eyes; looking at Villanelle like she’s the most precious person in her world.**

**Villanelle is on her knee, holding an opened little velvet ring box. “Will you marry me?” she asks. The woman leaves without any word, leaving her broken hearted for everyone to see near the Eiffel tower.**

**She’s driving with her mom on her passenger seat. “Villanelle, thank you for being such a good daughter. I love you so much and your sister,” she sees her mom smiling at her. “I love you so much too, mamochka.” she replies. Suddenly, there’s a yellow light slowly coming towards their direction, a loud bang, then blackout. At that moment, she feels her mother’s tight embrace.**

Beep. Beep. Beep.

_I forgot how painful it is to be alive._

She cannot see anything except black, red, and white. Too weak to move, she can only manage reaching to her right hand that's too painful. She tries to speak yet nothing comes out except of gagging noises. She's almost certain she is summoned to a different body.

“Ms. Astankova, breathe. Try to stay calm, I know it’s painful. Please try not to pull out your IV line and tubes,” she hears and she’s slowly going back to sleep.


	4. Breakeven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from the song "Breakeven " - the script.

“It’s a beautiful day to save lives people. Let’s do our best.”

Eve is standing at the center of her operating room with Kenny on her right side holding a suction, assisting her with trembling hands. Eve shoots Kenny a look as if telling him “Do not worry, It's just me. I got you,” telepathically. 

“Scalpel, please.”

Eve is known for her delicate movements, steady hands and quick decision-making. She's exceptional, a force of nature. For many reasons, doctors always watch her surgeries from routine to special cases. She's used to many set of eyes from the gallery above her OR. Evidently, the young man beside her is not. Attendings watch the first intern of every batch who steps into an OR. Every batch, it's always one from Eve's interns. She has her ways of pushing these kids into their limits to become the best surgeon they can be. However, this time is different. The gallery is jampacked not only because it's Eve's OR and the first intern; it is also because Kenny is the chief's son. 

"Dr. Stowton, how do we proceed with this surgery?" Eve asks. 

Kenny recites every step of the way without any mistakes, Eve has no doubt that he can do it even when he is asleep. As he goes on, it does the trick. Kenny relaxes, hands are steady with precise movements. Eve knows he has so much potential in him. Since the first time she taught him his first suture on his first suture kit Carolyn gave to him as Christmas gift, she notices that he got his mother's gift in surgery. The surgery ends well. Hours later, the blonde wakes up, disoriented. Eve sedates her to let her body recover. 

* * *

In the middle of the night, Villanelle wakes up again. Her head is still pounding but her eyes are able to adjusts with the lights. Monitors surrounds her room, she's wearing a blue patient's gown, IV lines are connected thru her right hand and there's a tube in her mouth. When she looks to her bedside, there's a brunette peacefully sleeping on a chair. A shawl covering her neck down to her feet. As if the woman can feel her gaze, she slowly opens her eyes. Hazel green eyes meet the brown ones. They stare at each other for a moment until the brunette comes back to reality. She rushes to Villanelle and takes out her light pen. 

“Sorry, I fell asleep. Please follow the pen," Eve instructs as she moves the pen side-to-side, up and down, near, and far, "Good, let's take out your tube. Swallow on three so it will not hurt, okay?" 

Villanelle nods, then the doctor takes out the tube. 

"Qu'est-il arrivé? Tu chi sei? Estoy bien?" Villanelle's voice cracks, slipping from one language to another without her knowing. She hands her a cup of water and assists her to drink with a straw. 

"Si, muy bien. Tu hablas Ingles?" she asks. 

"Oh, yes. What's your name? Why am I here? What happened?" 

"I am your doctor, Dr. Park. You are in St. Thomas Hospital, London."

The doctor starts her physical exam by checking her breathing using her stethoscope. Villanelle takes the the opportunity to ask questions but the brunette dodging some of it. She changes her head dressing and let's her practice breathing thru a tube with balls going up and down whenever she blows. She reaches for her abdomen and finds a healed stiches on her lower right. The brunette explains to her that she has been through brain surgery but nothing more, told her that her family will arrive soon. Without any control with her body, Villanelle dozes off right after. 

* * *

Konstantin arrives exactly two hours after Villanelle woke up. He runs towards her daughter the moment he sees her from the window outside. He fixes her hair away from her face and looks at her intently; memorizing her beautiful face. He looks like he can’t believe her daughter finally wakes up. Tears falling down on his cheeks, yet a wide smile growing all over his face. She's observing them from outside, giving them a moment before she informs her. Konstantin is very careful not to wake up his sleeping daughter. After several minutes, he notices Eve outside. He kisses Villanelle on her forehead then heads outside. 

“Good morning Dr. Park. Thank you for staying up for my child.”

“Good morning. It’s part of the job, sir. Would you like to get some coffee?” Konstantin nods then they silently walk to the café downstairs. They both get black coffee, sitting on a table far away to the small amount of staff eating breakfast before heading out after their night shift.

“Is this the thing you do when you will tell your patients loved one’s bad news?” Konstantin asks while pointing out their current situation. Sitting across from each other and far away enough from people to have a private conversation.

“No. I usually call them in a conference room to tell them the bad news. I give special treatment to the chief’s close friend,” she tries to lighten the mood a little and gives him a weak smile, “However, your daughter’s condition is not bad news. She--” Konstantin cuts her off, then sighs. 

“You could have led with that, no?” he asks. 

She apologizes for being insensitive, lack of sleep is taking its toll on her. Eve explains how her daughter slips from one language to another, unintentionally. Also, how she doesn't remember what happened to her. She's asking a lot of questions but Eve doesn't answer most of it; careful not to trigger any memory. 

“I think your child is suffering from a memory loss. It’s still too early to tell, it can be temporary or permanent. It usually happens when a patient suffers from severe head trauma. In your daughter’s case, she was in a coma for almost a year. We just have to wait and see what’s the effect of it on her memory. Contrary to a popular belief, patients who suffer from memory loss do not lose their identity. We will proceed to update her post-op scans and laboratory tests to see any abnormalities. For now, she has to stay here for physical therapy. She needs adequate rest and starts moving to avoid further muscle atrophy. Eventually, I will refer her to psychotherapy depending on the situation. We will do everything to help her," Eve assures him. Konstantin let her words simmer to him for a while. Trying to understand as much as he can.

There are two types of patient for Eve: the one who follows the doctor’s order diligently that gets better sooner than later, or the one who just makes her job a living hell. Eve understands patients cope up differently. However, it does make their job harder than it already is. After all, hospital staff, nurses, aides, and doctors have their limits too.

“No, I don’t want to! Don’t you dare touch me,” Villanelle warns her physical therapist. 

On her seventh day of post-surgery, Eve instructs light therapy. Assisted natural movements to let her stitches heal from brain surgery. She cannot wait any longer because the blonde's body deteriorates faster than she expected. Villanelle refuse her therapy, eating on time, and taking her pills. She receives many negative feedbacks from her nurses and other doctors. Eve understands her, most of the patients from coma feel restless after a long time on bed. She visits her during her usual rounds for her post-operation patients with her interns. She lets her do what she wants for now. Besides, Eve has other patients to attend to. 

On her fifteenth day, Eve decides to let her interns rotate for Villanelle’s therapy. The blonde needs to do it or else she will suffer from a much cruel recovery period. Again, the movements are simple like standing up, sitting down, and walking slowly from the bed to a chair. Eve needs the interns to push Villanelle out of her bed. In addition, it's a good opportunity to immerse her interns to aftercare their patients need after a surgery. Unfortunately for her, Villanelle still refuses her physical therapy. Eve receives different kinds of tantrum as the interns report to her every day. 

It's Monday morning and Eve is running late, riding her all matte black Harley-Davidson motorbike. She is exhausted from her back to back surgeries from past week. As she arrives her designated parking slot, Kenny is waiting for her. Adrenaline rushes into her bloodstream. It's peculiar. If there is an emergency surgery, then nurses will page for the on-call doctors. 

“Eve! I mean Dr. Park,” Kenny perks up as soon as she takes off her protective gear.

“Okaaaaay. Too loud, Kenny.”

“Sorry. We just need your help,” his tone changes.

“Obviously, What is it?”

“Remember the time you told us to do everything we can to get Ms. Astankova out of her bed? Well, nothing works and she’s throwing vase now to the window. We do not want to give up and bother you but it’s evident that her body gets weaker as days pass by.”

“Oh, come on. The universe likes to punish me these past few weeks for some unknown reason,” she rolls her eyes as she puts her protective gear inside her motorbike’s storage. 

Eve doesn't has the chance to change out of her tight skinny jeans, black boots, a plain white shirt under her leather jacket. As soon as they get out of the elevator, screaming echoes from the end of the hallway. Eve instructs him to let her do this alone. As soon as she reaches the window, she witness as Irina tries to feed her sister porridge for her breakfast. As Irina persists to feed her, she takes the bowl out of Irina’s hand then throws it away--glass shattering on the floor. Irina runs away from Villanelle, leaving her alone.

Villanelle is trying her best not to cry. Eve decides to give her a moment to gather herself. Suddenly, Villanelle breaks down, cursing the universe for her suffering. Minutes later, Eve walks in. 

“Just leave me alone, Irina,” villanelle says, staring into the abyss.

“It’s me. Dr. Park." 

She turns her head and looks her straight into her eyes.

“Just leave me alone please,” she begs.

Eve’s heart hurts at the woman in front of her. Villanelle asks her to leave, but her eyes are pleading for help. Eve slowly walks towards Villanelle’s bed and sits beside her, invading her space. To Eve's surprise, the blonde doesn't protest.

“I lost my father when I was in college--Cancer. He fought hard. We came to the hospital every two weeks for his loads of treatment. It’s hard for us but we know it’s harder for him. My dad was the one who worked hard for our family until he got sick. He refused our help because he was used to being in control, always taking care of us. At some point, my mom begged him to let us take care of him. Family will never be a burden to each other. We spent the happiest and loneliest times together until he passed away,” Villanelle turns her head to face her, “Sometimes, we just have to let our guard down and let the people who love us take care of us. Everyone needs help from time to time, after all.”

Villanelle weakly smiles and Eve taps her shoulder twice, then leaves the blonde alone. Eve cancels all her appointments, giving her a day off. Tomorrow, she’ll make sure the blonde will get out of her bed even if it means she has to carry her out of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1) Qu'est-il arrivé -What happened? (FRENCH)  
> (2) Tu chi sei?- Who are you? (ITALIAN)  
> (3) Estoy bien?- Am I okay? (SPANISH)


	5. Mandu

“Come on, Villanelle! That’s all you’ve got?”

“Shut up and sit tight!” she says, trying to catch her breath while pushing Hugo on wheelchair for extra load. 

Surgery is cruel, even if innovation of technology is faster than ever, it will always be invasive. Whether surgeons use sharp stones, back in 6500 BC, or microscopic instruments; patients don't always come back to their normal way of living. She has been regaining her physical strength these past few weeks, it's helping her to keep her out of he mind and to feel a little bit more of herself each day.

“Okay, I will but you have to tell me how Dr. Park was able to get you out of your bed for therapy,” he bargains and Villanelle suddenly stops, making him jerk and almost fall out of the wheelchair, “That was close! You could have damaged my pretty face, Villanelle!”

Against all odds, Villanelle and Hugo become friends in a matter of time. She likes him because he lets her eat whatever she wants, he sneaks food for Villanelle that she is not even cleared to eat yet. They understand each other, probably because of the same world they are in. For whatever the reason, she doesn't care because Hugo keeps her company and makes her time in the hospital a little bit less lonely. 

She turns around a corner and surprised by the sight of a brunette talking to a nurse. Eve looks devastating in her white button-up shirt tucked in high waist black trouser paired with black pumps. In addition, the look is finished with her white coat matching her black matte stethoscope hanging around her neck. 

“Earth to Villanelle," Eve says mere feet from her. Hugo is out of the wheelchair and standing beside her like a child caught doing something prohibited. 

"Sorry, what?" she asks with a smile growing on her face. 

"I asked if I have blood on my face, you're staring," Eve smirks. 

"Nope. It's nice to see you, Dr. Park!" she says as Eve pass by both of them, following the brunette with her eyes. 

"Don't wear yourself too much. And Hugo?" Eve looks back at him, "Don’t forget your other responsibilities beside sitting on a wheelchair being pushed by a patient around the hospital, yes?" and then she's gone. 

“You can pretend that you're not staring at her, but I don't think you can lure the goddess of neurosurgery on your bed," Hugo whispers on her ear. 

“Shut up and just sit down again. Unless you want me to tell Dr. Park that you—” 

“Nope,” he says while turning his back on Villanelle, “I got a lot of things to do. See you later, V!” 

“Asshole." 

* * *

**Flashback**

Eve clears her morning schedule to administer Villanelle's therapy, determined to get the blonde out of he bed. After yesterday, there's something inside of her pulling Eve closer to Villanelle. Eve feels the need to help her stronger than for her other patients. 

“Morning,” Eve says to the blonde who's staring to the window. 

Villanelle faces her, lips turning upwards while her eyes betray her. Eve sits on her bedside chair, patiently waiting for blonde to say anything. There's a look in her eyes, not anger or frustration--lost. Eve explains to her on how they will proceed on her recovery, hoping that will ease the blonde's mind. 

"You can tell me whatever you need, whether someone to listen or just to sit silently with, I'm your woman. Okay?" Eve reassures her. 

“As my doctor?” Villanelle raises an eyebrow. 

“As your doctor and maybe as a friend? Since you already know something so personal about me. We can be friends as long as you don’t tell people we are,” Eve winks at her, Villanelle chuckles, “You can call me Eve when they are not around?” she offers. 

“Who? your puppies?” 

"Yes, my puppies," Eve giggles. 

“You can call me Villanelle, even if it’s live on TV,” she shoots Eve a wink and it does something to Eve. 

“There is it. The famous Villanelle. It’s my pleasure to know you, Villanelle,” She reaches out her hand and Villanelle takes it, “So, care to start your physical therapy with me?”

On that day, Villanelle starts her physical therapy with no questions asked. She is surprisingly patient with her even if Villanelle grips her hand too hard almost the whole time.

* * *

As days pass by, time is getting slower and slower the longer she stays in the hospital. Fortunately, she has the greatest doctor she can ever asked for. Eve drops by to eat lunch with her in silence, talk to her when she needs to, rest after a big surgery and spends her coffee breaks to personally check on her. It's always something she can look forward to in her day. Besides, she has a privilege knowing the brunette behind the wall Eve built steadfast around herself. Ever since the night Eve opened up to her, they started sharing personal things with each other, a bond that she never felt with anyone else before. Eve sees her during her lowest and ugliest points in life. Meanwhile, she gets to see different sides of the doctor whether it is about her being the intern's attending, the most respected doctor of everyone in the hospital, the most passionate person she'd ever met (Once, she finished a 18 hours nonstop surgery, checked on her right after and ended up sleeping on her bedside chair), and the person with a golden heart when it comes to helping other people. She also sees the side of Eve that gets frustrated when one of her patients die on the table, the way Eve hurts for their families and the way her heart breaks every time things don't work out even if she did more than she could ever do for her patients yet she'll put herself through it over and over again for others. 

It’s 12:30 pm and Eve usually comes in around 12:15 when she does not have surgery. Lunch consists of Eve bringing her food while Villanelle eating whatever hospital food or her family bring in for her. Today, Villanelle orders food from her favorite Korean restaurant for them to share. She wants to surprise the brunette even with such simple gesture. Just when she’s about to give up that Eve will show up, she hears a knock from a brunette in her usual blue scrub.

“Is there a party in here or something? Am I not invited?” she asks, looking at the table while casually leaning on the door, arms cross on her chest.

“Come here, Eve. I’ve been waiting for you. Let’s eat!” she grins and moves to make space for Eve to sit on beside her. 

Eve places the table in front of Villanelle and sits on the bed. 

“You’ve been waiting for me? What if I didn’t drop by today? There’s so much food!" 

“Eve, you'll always come around, yes?” She lifts an eyebrow, smirking. 

Eve shoves a mandu in her mouth, nodding. 

“For free food? Always! I wonder if your fans know how big your appetite is. I’m sure they will be shocked."

“That doesn’t matter to them. They will probably just find the restaurant from where I ordered in for themselves to try. Win-win,” She shrugs. 

“True and you have good taste. How did you manage to order some food from this restaurant anyway? It’s my favorite Korean restaurant here in London. It’s authentic and I am sure they don’t deliver.” 

“I have connections, Eve,” she winks at her.

After devouring all the food, Eve cleans up. Villanelle notices how a smile imprinted on the doctor's face and will do anything to see it again. 

“Thank you for the food."

“No, Eve. Thank you,” she replies with a slight smile.

“For what?”

“For being my friend.” 

“See you around, Villanelle." Eve smiles and her cheeks are growing red--escaping the eyes that never leaving her face. 

This is one of the moments that makes her stay in the hospital bearable. She still can’t remember some events that happened before the accident. She doesn’t even know that there is an accident. Irina and Konstantin follow her doctors not to tell her unless she remember those herself or else she might suffer more than she already is. She’s being patient and just tries to regain her physical strength as much as possible. She’s trying to get ready for when she needs to go out of this hospital and face the real world. A moment of true awakening from her trauma--puzzled on what's waiting for her on the other side. For now, she is enjoying stolen moments with her beautiful doctor and her newfound asshole friend, Hugo.


	6. All love

Watching the sunrise while stretching her muscles from her fitness room at home is one thing Eve will never trade for anything else. As the sun peaks, coloring the sky in a dark orange hue then passing the light thru her floor-to-ceiling window to her skin, Eve's thoughts are slipping one after another. Breathing in and out, lengthening every fiber of her muscles strained from grueling work and morning run--listening to the loudest voice that truly matters. Every bend, twist, and turn are finesse movements honed ever since she was a little girl. Eve positions herself into a yogi squat, opening her hips and releasing her lower back when an unexpected face creeps into her mind. _Villanelle_. In her mind, she is sleeping peacefully, blonde hair splayed on her pillow, then she slowly opening her eyes; hazel green catching the brown ones with a small smile following immediately. A picture engraved in her mind from last night when she checks on her before she goes home. Maybe it is the sun or her thoughts, warming her up from inside-out, keeping her soul tranquil and happy. 

She settles for a French toast and a cup of black coffee for her breakfast, eating on her kitchen island while randomly scrolling her news feed until a Korean restaurant ad pops up. She reminisces the time when Villanelle surprised her for lunch, it's been weeks since then and numerous things happened. Villanelle is recovering faster than expected by her physical therapist, her sleeping pattern is going back to normal, and eating as much food as she can. All in all, it's going better than she hopes for the blonde even if sometimes Villanelle complains of her headaches and muscle pain from exhaustion. 

Knowing Villanelle loves food, Eve thinks maybe she can bring a home-cooked meal for the blonde. It's a simple recipe she learned from her mom and it's something that she's proud of. She proceeds on cooking the meal, dancing it out as pop music plays on her phone. 

“Done! Now, it’s time to prepare for the day," she tells herself after she carefully packing the food. 

4 hours later

Eve finishes her scheduled morning surgery. It’s a success but she’ll have to see more after the patient wakes up. It’s a tricky surgery, she had to be in and out as soon as possible plus the location of the aneurysm needs to be clipped at a hard angle. One of the surgeries that makes her feel alive more than ever. An overflowing passion for learning and helping other people. 

As she walks inside the attendings' lounge, Bill and Jess are waiting for her. 

“Good morning, Eve!” Jess greets her with such enthusiasm. 

“Good morning, guys," she walks towards the refrigerator and takes out the packed lunch she prepared earlier to reheat. 

Jess and Bill are staring at her. She looks at them after she placed the food inside the microwave oven. 

“Okay, do you need something? you two are acting weird," she points towards Bill and Jess while casually leaning her back on the table. 

“Actually, yes. Lunch with us?” Bill says casually. 

She panics for some reason she can’t explain. Lucky for her, Bill and Jess can read her like an open book. 

“Yes, you can’t. That’s what we think so. You don’t have to panic, Eve.” Jess says as if it’s the obvious thing in the world.

“Besides, we saw two Korean pork stew packed lunch in the refrigerator. We just want you to tell us. Do you have something to share?” Bill adds. 

Eve relaxes. She is reminded that these are her friends and there is nothing wrong with spending lunch with Villanelle. There are no rules prohibiting doctors to spend lunch with their patients. Most of all, Eve is professional. There’s nothing to worry about.

“Yes, I’m having lunch with Villanelle?” she doesn’t intend to say it like it’s a question but it just comes out like that, unsure. 

“Oh, Evie. We’re happy you found a good company with someone. But isn’t it a crime bringing a home-cooked Korean pork stew for your new friend without bringing some for your best friends?” Jess teases. Bill just nods, smiles, and looks at Eve. 

“Okay, I admit. I forgot to bring some extra for both of you," she’s smiling but somehow feel defeated like she’s been caught doing something bad. 

Bill and Jess stand up and starts walking towards the door when Bill stops beside her.

“Enjoy lunch. Lunch with us tomorrow?” he asks and then they are gone. 

* * *

Villanelle is feeling a little bit out of place and all over the same time. The stay in the hospital for months taking its toll on her. As much as she is afraid to go back to her life, she is getting bored and impatient inside her room in the hospital. She fully regains her strength but she cannot still remember most of the parts before she’s in a coma that sometimes gives her a headache. It’s one of those days, she’s not in the mood and her head is aching so bad. She’s trying to sleep when she hears a knock at the door. 

“Villanelle? Can I come in?” she recognizes the voice and slowly opens her eyes. 

“Sure. Come in,” She slowly sits up and looks at Eve trying to muster a smile but failing to do so. 

“Is this a bad time? Are you in pain again?” Eve worries, putting the packed lunch on the movable table and rushing to the monitors to check on Villanelle. 

“Hey, I’m fine. My head just hurts and I had to spend time with my dad and Irina awhile ago. Stop working. It is your lunch already?” she finally notices the packed lunch on the table. 

Eve stops hovering over the monitors and looks at her. 

“Yes, I brought some pork kimchi jjigae for lunch but it’s okay if you want to rest first. I can eat at the lounge and leave yours on the table for later,” she walks towards the table, designating the food. 

“Nope. Bring it here, I want to eat with you.” 

Eve looks at her again and she can see the excitement in her eyes. 

“Are you sure? It’s fine, V. I can eat outside.” 

She didn’t call her V before and Villanelle’s heart seems to like the sound of it from Eve’s mouth. She smiles from ear-to-ear and replies, “Do you want me to go there and move the table myself?” 

Eve does not protest anymore and moves the table towards her. She prepares the lunch and hands it to her, then proceeds to eat her lunch in her usual spot on the bedside chair. 

“Did you made this?” 

“Hmm. Yes. Is it bad?”

“Tastes good, Eve," Villanelle makes a show of eating a spoonful, humming at the taste

“Is everything acting to you? You can tell me if it’s bad you know. I can take it," Eve laughs and rolls her eyes 

“No, Eve. It tastes good. Thank you for the lunch," she tells her in a very serious tone. 

“No, thank you,” Eve replies. 

They stare at each other for a moment--communicating with their eyes. An understanding rooted in an undeniable immediate connection with each other. It's only been weeks since she was greeted back to life with the brunette sleeping on her bedside, but Eve quickly becomes her favorite person. Eve is the one she hopes to see every day, the one she cannot get enough of, and the one that makes her look forward to what tomorrow holds because Eve is in it. 

* * *

Villanelle is in and out of sleep for the rest of the day. Pain relievers make her drowsy and sleepy. Eve heads towards the gallery to observe Hugo. When she arrives, Bill and Jess already saved a seat for her in between them at the front row. 

“Thank you for saving a seat for me,” she hands each of them a bag of chips. 

“Thanks,” They reply in unison. 

“Do you think I have to rush downstairs in the middle of his surgery?” 

“I think he’s ready. She’s one of yours anyway. You won’t pick him if he can’t do it,” Bill answers. 

“Nope. Not on me. You guys outvoted me, I chose Elena,” she whispers to Bill because there are interns as well in the gallery. 

“Stop it. He can do it. The kid has it,” Jess says. 

Hugo starts his surgery. He is shaky at first and unsure of where to start; it’s normal for the first time commanding a whole OR on your own. The crucial part is how he will overcome his fears and doubts. Gladly, he shifts into his zone when he thinks of the steps throughout the surgery. He finished it without any help even though his hands were shaking at the last sutures. People from the gallery gives him around of applause. It’s an important thing when their interns start commanding an OR and finishing their surgeries all by themselves. It’s like slowly letting them go to ride their bike without any training wheels or assistance to catch them if they fall. It takes guts to be responsible for someone else’s life. The staff makes sure that their interns gain that confidence after their internship because if they don’t, maybe surgery is not for them after all. 

Eve congratulates Hugo for a job well done and starts her afternoon rounds with them. After several minutes of checking every patient, there’s only one left. They head towards the blonde’s room but she stops the moment she sees an unfamiliar face. A beautiful woman is sitting beside Villanelle’s bed while the blonde is sleeping. She’s slowly caressing Villanelle’s right hand. After a few moments, the woman leans forward to lightly kiss her on the forehead, careful not to wake her up. She closes her eyes as she kisses her, refusing to lean back immediately. 

“Dr. Park, are we going inside?” Elena asks. 

“No, let’s give them privacy. I’ll just check her chart myself and update the family after. Finish all of your other responsibilities and go home or get drunk. Do whatever you do on a Friday night. Celebrate this little victory of your group. It’s only the start,” she says plainly. If her mood changes, she hides it well behind her professional voice.

“Thank you for today, Dr. Park.” They say in unison. 

“Job well done, doctors.”

She proceeds to the nurses' station, retrieving the blonde's chart. Notes from all of her doctors suggesting the blonde is stronger than she ever was, clearing Villanelle to go home. Eve has no reason to keep Villanelle here anymore, her headaches will be treated with some medicine if necessary but besides that, she’s clear to go home. She heads to the attending’s lounge to rest for a little and plan for her surgeries in the upcoming days. Konstantin usually comes around after six and she’ll wait for him to relay the message. 

“Why do I feel this way? Have I crossed the line? No, it can’t be. We’re just friends and I’ll just have to keep it that way. She’s going home anyway. No reason to overthink," she's asking herself because something is off within her. She knows that deep down inside her, it’s because of the blonde. 


	7. ¿Que pasa contigo?

Walking towards her room, Eve sees the family is complete with no visitors around. She knocks twice and enters her room. Eve smells a scent she's grown familiar with, consuming all of her senses--Villanelle's. After months staying in the hospital, Villanelle’s suite room always has flowers arranged in a vase beside her bed. Her bedsheets, comforters, and pillowcases are personalized; without machines hanging around. A temporary place for the blonde and her smell lingers around, creating a safe space to where Eve always go to in times she needs to breathe some sort of fresh air, only it doesn't come from nature but from Villanelle; yet, it still has the same effect on her until tonight. 

“Good evening, I have good news,” Eve says and she can see her in the corner of her eyes perking up a little. 

“Hi, Eve! What is it?” Villanelle asks, Eve notices the change the tone in her voice indicating that the blonde feels better than she does earlier today. 

_Good, maybe this will make it easier._

She slowly turns to her even her mind tells her not to do so.

“You can go home tomorrow. All of your doctors cleared you to go home but I want to run a new set of tests and scans first just to be sure then you can go home,” she replies plainly. 

“Yes! We’re going home!” Irina celebrates and hugs her sister. 

The family bursts into laughter as Villanelle tries to remove herself from her sister's arms and completely failing to do so. Konstantin is watching her daughters with a smile Eve has never seen from him before. She's happy for the blonde because even if Villanelle hides it so well, Eve can see right through her that she's getting impatient to be able to have some normalcy again in her life. 

"Carolyn was right, you are extraordinary, Dr. Park," Konstantin states as a matter of fact, "Thank you, Eve"

"It's my job, Konstantin. Don't hesitate to call me if you need any help."

"No, you did more than you should, Eve. Thank you for bringing my girl back to us," he reaches his hand out and Eve takes it, "You too, I will do anything to help you, Eve."

* * *

Something the way Eve's tone changes from being friendly to professional throughout this day is not sitting right with Villanelle. Maybe if she doesn't know Eve well enough, she will not notice that the brunette is avoiding eye contact with her. Maybe she will not notice the creases on her forehead that usually shows up if something is bothering Eve or how her shoulders slump--defeated. But Villanelle knows Eve, something is wrong with her. 

“Can you guys give us a sec? I have some questions for Dr. Park,” Villanelle asks her father and Irina, they follow immediately; leaving them alone.

“So, anything I can help you with?” Eve takes her chart and starts writing on it. 

Villanelle is staring at her, trying to figure out what changed from lunch to evening that causes her to be the receiving end of Eve's coldness. Throughout time, Villanelle patiently breaks down the iron walls Eve surrounded herself and so does she. All this time, they keep on learning about each other that makes it easier for them to let the other person in to a point that they can easily be their authentic self the moment they are left alone. But now, Eve can barely look her in the eyes. It seems like she added more walls that Villanelle cannot even recognize the woman in front her--distant and out of reach. 

"What happened, Eve?" She asks quietly, not letting her voice break. 

Eve puts back the chart and finally meets her eyes. For a minute, they are just staring to each other. Villanelle sees the hint of sadness in Eve's eyes and she thought that maybe it's because of her leaving. She understands Eve because she doesn't want to leave this place too because that means everything will change between their friendship. She will never see Eve again after her groundbreaking surgery, being so pumped up. She will not be there for Eve whenever the brunette needs a place to feel her feelings when she failed to help her patient even though she did more than anyone could. Most of all, Villanelle will miss waking up in the morning knowing that she will see Eve again that day. But, what she doesn't understand is why Eve suddenly acting like they don't know each other at all. 

"Did I do something wrong? Why are you acting like I'm just one of your other patients? Why are--" Villanelle tries again. 

"Because you are," Eve states without breaking their eye contact, but with her voice definitely breaking. 

Villanelle is lying if she says that it doesn't hurt her. It is hurting her coming from Eve's mouth like a knife stabbing her heart. If there's one thing Villanelle can be grateful for out of this misery, it's Eve. Knowing that Eve will be by her side when she goes out, back into the real world, makes it a little bit less terrifying. Apparently, not. She has no one ans the uncertainties that she's about to face becomes more terrifying than before. 

“Whatever you say, Dr. Park," Villanelle answers. 

“I’ll go ahead, then. If you don’t have any more questions."

After everything that happened to her, she commits to take care of herself—of her heart. Besides, she’s not even sure who she is anymore. She feels incomplete and unsure of herself. Eve made her decision to stay away from her and she will let her. She won't beg for anyone to stay on her life, not anymore. She has a lot on her plate right now. Villanelle closes her eyes and sleeps the night off. _What a nightmare._

* * *

After the interaction last night, Eve can't bring herself home. Truth be told, she never feel exhausted as much for several months. Is it because of Villanelle? is it because her day gets a little bit better whenever she visits the blonde at the end of an exhausting day? Well, she won't know for sure. She crashed in the on-call room last night (a thing she haven't done for a good amount of time) then go straight to work right after she wakes up to take her mind off a certain blonde. It’s one of the reasons she loves her work, it’s an escape from her life. Not to mention, many people will benefit from her life misery. Win-win. 

Elena, Hugo, and Kenny are waiting for her at the nurses’ station while reading patients’ charts for presentation. 

“Are we ready for today?” she notices the exhaustion on her interns’ faces. “Had fun last night? I hope you’re all ready for your presentation today.” 

“Good morning, Dr. Park," they reply in unison. Eve starts walking towards the room of their first patient. 

After several minutes and presentations, they are all walking towards the suite rooms for their last patient. As they walk towards the end of the hall, there’s a room with an open door. They can hear voices from afar and the rumbling of things. Eve knows for sure who's room it. 

She doesn’t need to go because Villanelle isn’t technically her patient anymore. No reason to hang around and try to be professional. She might as well not pretend they can be friends. Anyways, she already acted like nothing’s wrong last night. Maybe Villanelle is still upset with her. Well, she fucked this up, isn’t she? Another good friendship was ruined. Great. She just walked towards the nurses’ station few feet away from the blonde’s room, impatiently waiting for her interns. She doesn’t want to interrupt them since they spent many hours together. She’s their first real patient, it meant a lot for the young doctors. 

“V! You’re going home without a goodbye to your best friend?” Hugo shouts at blonde. He walks pass by Eve and leans to the open door. Elena and Kenny follow him. They are now all crowding the doorway. 

Villanelle recognizes his voice and stops putting things in her bag. Irina picks up bag and continue packing for her. She turns around and smiles at them. “Haven’t killed anyone yet?” she raises an eyebrow to him while she puts her hands into her pockets. Elena notices how fancy she looks compared to her hospital gown and sleeping wear. She can truly understand why she has so many fans. Great personality and definitely hot wearing an oversized white band shirt, high-waisted ripped jeans paired with black Doc Martens. 

“The surgery went well if that’s what you are asking, thank you,” he says proudly. 

“Good to know. I don’t want to be friends with someone who sucks at his job, ” she shrugs and he bursts into laughter. 

“I hate to admit, I’m going to miss your shit face around here. See you around?” 

“Goodbye, V. Hope we can hang outside this hospital,” Elena interjects. 

“Yes, maybe we can drink out sometime. There’s a bar just across the street, we usually go there on Fridays after shift.” Kenny suggests. 

“Yes, I’d like that. Besides, we’ll see each other for sure. I still have ongoing therapy.” she answers plainly, impatiently waiting for a brunette to pop out of the three that are blocking her doorway. Still, hopeful. 

“We have to go, Dr. Park is waiting for us to continue our rounds. See you around, V!” Hugo answers, and the three of them walk away. _So, that’s it. She’s not even going to say goodbye. What a wonderful way to treat a friend. Maybe I was just misreading all along. Maybe she’s just being kind. Huh. What a fool._ Villanelle thinks as she sees no Eve around. 

Villanelle along with Konstantin and Irina come out of the room shortly after their morning rounds. Eve is alone at the nurses’ station writing her orders for her patients when she smells a familiar scent that’s engraved in her mind. _Villanelle._ She looks towards the blonde's room and she can only see her back walking further away from her towards the elevator. She wants to say something to her or at least bid her goodbye. She can’t. Eve is feeling too much that might probably push her to say the thing she’s not supposed to. She doesn’t know it herself. She suppressed her emotions, bottled it up, and throws it away into her imaginary ocean. She didn’t even give herself time to figure out what’s inside. It felt wrong, she’s professional. If she doesn’t know it herself, might as well don’t drag another human being that has her own personal struggles right now.


	8. She used to be mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At some point, things will change and we can't even recognize ourselves anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from the song by Sara Bareilles.

As they walk out the door of the hospital to the parking area, there are fans waiting for them outside. Cameras start flashing from different directions and people start calling out her name; eager to ask questions.

“What the actual fuck is this!?” Konstantin shouts angrily at their bodyguards. He made sure the public will not know about her daughter’s current condition. Yes, they all saw the news about the accident but they were discreet as possible after that. 

“Villanelle! Are you okay?” One of them shouts at her. She politely smiles at them but stays back as their bodyguards cover them. Hands deep in her ripped jeans, leather jacket on, and black sunglasses on her eyes as she observes the crowd around her. “We missed you! We hope to see you on the screen soon,” another one adds. 

They are patiently waiting for their driver to pick them up. Konstantin just hopes no one will say anything that will jeopardize her healing process. The car arrives and as she about to get in, “I hope Nadia takes good care of you!” _Nadia who?_ She tries to look for the person behind the voice but she can’t find it. 

“Villanelle, let’s go,” Konstantin says impatiently and she quickly gets inside the car. “Are you okay?” he adds.

“Yes, just a little tired is all,” she says and looks out the window. Her mind starts to run as fast as the scenery around them fades one after another. _Who the hell is Nadia? If she really cares about me, why didn’t she come for me at the hospital?_ She thinks. She knows that her father and sister won’t tell her anything even if she asks, so she won’t. 

After several hours, Villanelle is back in her room in their family house. She only stays here once in a while but they kept it the way she left it. A place she can always come back to. Konstantin and Irina finally give her time alone after treating her like she’s a guest in their own house. She’s grateful for them but she’s really fucking exhausted.

When people feel so much pain, it’s so easy to say “I wish I could just forget about it”. As if forgetting is a magical potion that will take it all away. An instant solution. A restart. Well, Villanelle can totally disagree with them. _People should be really careful what they wish for._ She thinks. 

She’s lying on her bed staring into the abyss. She doesn’t have time to think and process her feelings during her stay in the hospital. She’s always dozed off just before her thoughts start to creep in her mind. Well, pain killers will do that to anyone. Not to mention, she worked hard regaining some strength that it exhausted her most of the time. Now, it’s hitting her hard. This is what people don’t know. Forgetting the source of pain doesn’t mean the absence of pain. It’s more painful because this time she doesn’t know where it is all coming from. This time, the pain consumes every part of her. There’s a void in her chest like a black hole in the universe: dead, endless, and unknown. 

With her wide eyes open, tears start falling down on her face. She lets it happen this time. She can pretend for others that she’s okay (She’s an award-winning actress, thank you.), but not with herself. Whatever the things she can’t remember, she has to move on with life. There’s not much she can do about it. But no, of course not. Villanelle always has to be in control, she likes knowing things for certain. So, she gets up, washes her face, and starts to look at things she has in her room. _Maybe I can find clues in here. Maybe I’ll start with finding out who Nadia is._

After minutes of exploring her room, she found the things she refused to take with her to her own place. These are the things she doesn’t want to remember all the time but wants to know at the back of her mind that it’s still there. She saw pictures from her childhood, family gatherings, friends, and some with her fans. She saw gifts from her fans like stuff toys and artworks. It really fascinates her how dedicated these people are. She’s out of the business for almost two years yet they are still around her like earlier this day. They still support her even though she let them down for leaving the industry. _Maybe I should come back. For them._ She feels a pang in her chest at the thought. She can’t remember why she left the industry and she misses it; there’s a fire inside her waiting to engulf her if she decides to open. It’s the unwavering passion she has for acting. 

As she returns the stuff, she notices a black box kept in the corner of her storage cabinet. It’s average in size but it looks strange and she can’t remember what’s inside. She takes it with her and slowly opens it when she reached her bedroom carpet. There, in front of her, are polaroids of a woman with her. She inspects each polaroid and by the looks of it, they clearly loved each other. There are random photos of herself who she assumed taken by the woman. It’s like she captured Villanelle the way she saw her through her eyes. Her head starts pounding like never before but she can’t stop. She wants to know more, so, she continues picking up polaroids, cinema tickets, letters, and a little red box at the end of it all. She knows what’s inside but her head feels like a bulldozer is trying to crush each and every memory she’s trying to remember. She can’t make sense of anything of it. Frustration creeps in and she wants to take out her brain through her eyes. She hates how much power it has over her. What? It doesn’t make sense. Nothing makes sense right now. She left the mess on the floor, climbs up her bed, and pull the blankets over her. Tears start falling again, heavy and seem like non-stop until she finally falls asleep.

* * *

It’s been a month and the scenario plays in her mind in slow motion; non-stop like a film reel without its operator to make it stop. She doesn’t know when, how, or why but she keeps on reminiscing each and every moment with her. Just like old times, Eve spent every minute of everyday operating, researching, teaching, and sleeping countless times in the on-call room. Just to keep her occupied away from the world where she is anyone except Dr. Park. 

Eve knows it very well that she can’t hide from reality forever just like every marathon has always come to an end. So, she’s out and about during this wonderful evening with her beautiful friend. Eve and Celestine are having their usual date in a new Italian restaurant. 

“How are you, Eve? I thought you already forgot about me,” Celestine teases while touching the rim of her wine glass, looking straight into her eyes and the corner of her bloody red lips turning upwards a little. 

She gulps an enormous amount of wine, enjoying the heat traveling in her throat. She puts the glass down. “I’m fine. You know—” 

“ hospital stuff? I don’t think so, Evie,” She continues for her. “Hospital stuff doesn’t stop you from meeting me once in a while. At least not before, I’m starting to think you’re meeting with someone else,” She raises an eyebrow at her. 

“What? No, you know you’re the first one to know when that happens or if will it ever happen, “she says defensively. She sounds like she’s trying to convince herself more than the woman in front of her. 

“I know. So, what‘s wrong? You know we can see each other even without the after of this,” she points to the air between them. “I’m still your friend. You can tell me what’s wrong. I just hope you don’t dodge my calls, it’s rude,” she rolls her eyes just to emphasize her point and reaches for her right hand; Eve shivers at the familiar touch. “I’ve missed you, Eve. I mean, not just the sex. I miss talking to you.”

“I’m sorry about the calls. I didn’t mean to ignore it. I miss you too. Thank you for coming tonight,” Eve says while caressing the other woman’s hand. 

The food arrived and they started eating while catching up in between. Celestine is telling her about her recent vacation in Amsterdam when everyone starts to disappear in a blur and all she can see is the woman across her. She stares at her red lips, the way she tucks her hair behind her ear, her hazel eyes that glows when she smiles about what she’s talking about, and the way her eyebrows met at the middle when she’s talking about the little things that disgust her…wait, she might be staring at Celestine but all she can remember is her vivid memories of Villanelle. She remembers how Villanelle laughs at her when she something silly, the way she can read her mood without her saying anything, the way she grins when she gets what she wants, and the way she perks up when she’s about to eat her food. She doesn’t even know she memorized the blonde’s face and her simple ways until now; it makes her heart hurts. 

“Is there something wrong with my face, Eve?” She asks, pulling Eve out of her fantasy. 

Eve jerks like her soul just came back from the days where she enjoyed silently eating lunch with Villanelle in her suite room. “Oh. Sorry, what?” 

“I asked if there’s something wrong with my face because you haven’t look away or reacted to anything that I say for a couple of minutes now. Never mind.” She waves her hand dismissively. “Are you sure you’re okay? I can take you home after dessert. We don’t have to go to the hotel.” She adds while trying to muster a smile even though Eve can see a hint of disappointment in her eyes. 

“No, Celest. Sorry, I’m just tired and lost myself for a moment there. I’ve missed you, you know,” She apologizes and she brushes her right foot to Celestine’s under the table; trying to save the mood she clearly ruined for both of them. 

Celestine cannot resist Eve, no matter how hard she tried. Hell, maybe that’s why she’s still seeing Eve even after she rejected her when things start to get real between them. She settled for what she can give to her, sex and friendship. Apparently, Eve is not yet ready for anything serious at the time. After years, Celestine realized Eve will never be ready for her. So, she accepted her fate but as long as Eve doesn’t found her one yet, she’ll be here for her. 

She immediately asks for the bill and their coats. She grabs Eve’s hand and holds her in her waist, assisting her because Eve looks like she won’t be able to take three steps without ruining other customers ’ dinner. 

“Thank you, Celestine,” Eve whispers in her ear as she leans her head into her shoulders. 

As they head towards the exit, a beautiful blonde woman that looks like from a fashion magazine bumps into them. Eve is about to get mad for the woman being so careless but when she lifts her face up to look at her, beautiful hazel eyes meet hers that she’s grown familiar with.

“Oh, sorry,” Villanelle apologizes to Celestine then looks at Eve. 

“It’s fine,” Celestine answers and holds Eve closer to her. 

“Dr. Park, nice seeing you again. Are you okay?” She asks with a smug on her face but her eyes show a hit of concern. 

“Yes. I’m fine. It’s nice to see you too,” She mumbles. 

“Eve! You look lovely tonight!” They turn their head from where the voice is coming from and she recognizes Irina with Konstantin a few feet away from their table from a while ago. She waves her hand and reply, “Hi, nice to see you around. We need to go now. Take care, guys!” She can feel Villanelle’s gaze at her and Celestine holding her closer than necessary. 

She places her hand at Celestine’s waist and whispers, “Time to go.” 

She can't remember what happened. When she wakes up, Celestine is staring at her face like what she did awhile ago. 

“Hi, are we in the hotel yet? I’m sorry I fell asleep,” Eve says. She's sitting at the other woman's passenger seat like it belongs to her alone. 

“No, we’re at your house,” she genuinely smiles at her but there a pool of water forming at her eyes. 

Eve cups her face and looks her in the eyes, “What’s wrong? Did I do something stupid?”

She shakes her head and tears fall down on her cheeks. Eve wipes it away with her thumb. “You found her, right?” 

“What?” 

She takes Eve’s hand from her face and covers it with hers. “The blonde at the restaurant. You know her right? I think you know what I’m talking about, Evie. You just don’t want to admit it to yourself so you just hid behind your white coat and worked your ass off for a month. I saw the way you look at her and I felt the way your body tensed just to be around her. I saw the way she looked at you, Eve. I think she feels the same way.” 

“What are you talking about?” Eve is trying to play it dumb. 

“You’re not dense as you thought you are. You’re a brilliant surgeon, you know what I’m talking about. I’m happy you found her. I just hope you overcome whatever is holding you back. You deserve all the love in this world, Evie.” 

Eve doesn’t know what to say so she hugs her. After a few minutes, Celestine pulls away a few inches, far enough to see her face and close enough to feel her breath. She cups Eve’s face and smile. 

“I think it’s time for me to go. Call me if you need a friend but not too soon, okay? I’ll probably disappear for a while,” She laughs lightly, “You take care of yourself, Eve. Promise me you’ll give yourself a chance to fall in love again. Okay?” 

Eve nods and closes the distance between them. A goodbye kiss for so many nights they shared together and for always being there for each other. 

“You too, okay?” Celestine nods and she genuinely smiles at her. She gets out of the car and goes straight to her bed without even changing. She buries her face in her pillows and she growls as loud as she can. 

She doesn’t quite understand her friend but she trusts her. Maybe Villanelle meant something to her, she just doesn’t realize it yet. Maybe that is why she is not in the mood for a while now. Celestine knows her from inside-out and she loves her even when the moments she can’t love herself. She takes care of her and so is she. They gave each other’s needs whatever it might be. They become each other’s companion, lover, friend, and everything in between. It’s just that, it’s all that it is. Nothing more and nothing less. For a while, it’s enough for both of them. All the things you can ask for in a relationship without the burden of being in a relationship. However, they knew it from the very start that whatever they have will come to an end. It’s the end. It’s the truth she’s been hiding for a while now, she felt something for the blonde she doesn’t felt for a very long time. A feeling she’s been so terrified to have but she can’t do anything to stop it. It’s like there’s a red thread pulling her towards the blonde that she does not any have control with. She hates losing control. She hates it when her mind plays the memories with her and she hates the way her heart hurts when she passed by the Korean restaurant Villanelle ordered in at some point; she’s falling for her. Too much, too fast, head first, and she cannot do anything about it. 

_“ Fuck. My head hurts. What am I? A teenager?”_

Eve is an extraordinary woman, a fearless doctor, a thoughtful daughter, a devoted teacher, and a good friend. But Eve…. Eve is afraid of one thing. She’s afraid of feelings she can’t control. Isn’t everyone is? The feeling can fuck people up from inside-out, it can make someone reckless, and it can break her heart.


	9. What Hurts The Most

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mention of blood, gun shot wound and panic attack.

It's the time of the year when children run around the village wearing someone or something they want to be asking for treats. It's the time of the year when some adults enjoy pretending someone they are not. A day full of surprises, fun, and sweets. It's the case for most people but not in the hospital. 

"Good morning, doctors." 

Everyone turns their heads around to look at the three doctors standing at the doorway of their locker room. 

"It's holiday today," Bill says. 

"Our favorite time of the year," Jess adds and Eve rolls her eyes at the sarcasm in her voice. 

"You should all be ready in less than five minutes. It will be a very hard and peculiar day. People wear costumes with fake blood on it or fake skin that looks like a real wound. Don't be fooled, use this as an opportunity to learn and rise above the standard. You've been practicing medicine for months now. Show us what you've learned and most of all, let's help people to the best of our abilities," Eve says and just after she finished talking.  
\-- _Beep. Beep. Beep._ the sound of their pagers buzzing field the room. _911\. ER_

Eve along with the other doctors head towards the emergency room. Eve, Jess, and Bill leading the pack as fast as they can. 

They are suiting up one another: gloves on and tying each other's body covering. 

"It's only 8:00 in the morning and we are all paged to the ER," Eve says while Jess tying her body covering. It's not that she's surprised, but simultaneously being paged to the ER is not a very good sign. 

"Yes, it's not a very good sign. All hands on deck." 

"These people really need to chill out and need to draw the line between fun and dangerous. The cases are increasing every ye--"

"There's a mass shooting during a Halloween event in Hyde Park, several people were shot. The shooter's still missing. Follow the lead of your attendings and please refrain from showing unnecessary reactions with your patients. I know it's Halloween but patients are scared enough already from the situation they are in. Show them they can trust you with their life," Dr. Kepner informs everyone. She's the head of trauma. She's a cheerful person but not when it comes to serious situations like this. Eve likes her for being notorious, reliable, and organize during an emergency. They start to hear the sirens from afar and quickly rushes towards the emergency bay. Attending at the front, interns at the back. The ambulance came one after another. GSW in the limbs, chest, and head. There are injuries from the stampede as well. Eve, Elena, Hugo, and Kenny are in Trauma room 1 treating a patient with a GSW to the chest. Blood is all over them as they try to assess the patient and keeping him alive through CPR until he flatlined 10 mins ago. 

"1,2,3...1,2,3.... Come on, breath!" Eve shouts as she tries her best to recover her patient. 

The door opened and Dr. Kepner saw the situation. The patient coded 20 mins ago. There's no way he'll be back but sometimes even the senior doctors can't stop trying especially when a patient is a young man around 20s. That's the thing about trauma though, it happens fast, and every decision is crucial. Patients come in with no chance at all but doctors always give their best. Sometimes, doctors have to let go at some point to help other patients with a better chance of surviving. 

"Doctors, go to the pit and help other patients there as much as you can," Dr. Kepner instructs the interns. 

"But Dr. Park is still trying and we're not leaving her," Elena replies as she continues to plug the hole in the man's chest to stop the bleeding to which she is clearly failing. The patient lost a lot of blood by now. 

"Do what I say, now," Dr. Kepner insists. She looks dead serious that made Elena and others follow her automatically. Meanwhile, Eve doesn't stop from giving the young man CPR, pumping his chest for almost 30 mins. She doesn't even notice the interns were gone. 

"Dr. Park, you need to call it," 

Eve didn't hear her or chose to ignore her. 

April holds her hands, stopping her from pumping his chest. Eve is suddenly taken back the reality by her friend. 

"No, we have to save him. He's so young, for god's sake," She replies and tries to continue even though her friend is physically stopping her. 

"Eve" 

She looks at her in the eyes and they both know it. She has to let go. 

"Damn it, April. Time of death, 9:45 am." Eve says as she gets down from the hospital bed she's on. April understands her frustration but she has to keep her focus. That's what makes her an exceptional trauma surgeon. 

_beep. beep. beep._

They are both paged at the bay. In this kind of situation, it's an unspoken rule to delegate the senior doctors and interns for each patient. So, when two senior doctors are paged for a single patient, it's a definitely critical case. They run towards the bay (even though it's not advised to run around the hospital but this is not an ordinary day so whatever). 

An ambulance arrives as soon as they reach the bay. 

If Eve's heart is racing at 130 bpm because of the adrenaline and running, then she is definitely having a mini heart attack right now as she feels her heart stop for several seconds because of the patient being pulled out of the van. 

"27 years old. GSW in the head. Unconscious for about 13 mins now. No exit wound," the responder informs both of them. She can't hear her though. She's solely focused on the blonde woman in front of her. The patient's head is wrapped and blood covers her face. Swelling of the face is also evident making it hard to identify the woman immediately. 

April starts to push the gurney carefully while assessing the patient's injury. Eve follows her lead and can feel her body moves instinctively after being in this kind of situation several times. It's different this time though, her body moves but her mind is not with her. 

_"No, it's not her. It can't be. No. No._ Eve thinks. April is saying something but Eve can't hear her. They enter the elevator and April snaps her out of her head. 

"Eve! Calm down. What's wrong? Do you know her?" 

If Eve is saying out loud her thoughts as she pushed the gurney, she didn't know. If she constantly saying "no" while shaking her head, April ignored her until she has the opportunity to ask. She needs her doctors' head on the game and Eve is not usually like this. She needs her. 

"What's her name? Do you know her name?" Eve raises her voice at the responder. Panic, fear, and worry are eating her inside-out. 

"Melanie Stewart, Doc. We found an ID in her belongings."

Eve exhales a breath she didn't know she's holding back. She leans her back on the elevator's wall to rest her head. Eve is trying to normalize her breathing because she feels close to breaking down. 

"Are you okay, Eve? I'm asking you a while ago if you want us to take her to CT first before heading to the OR."

"No, she lost a lot of blood. Call for a portable CT scan while we prepare her for surgery. We can't afford to lose so much time." 

Eve and the team finished the surgery around 3:00 pm. She was so tired like her soul left her body after being told that it's not Villanelle, working like she's a robot. She doesn't know why her mind jumps to the possibility of it. The thought makes her want to puke her guts out. She needed to take a minute so she goes to the back of the hospital right after the surgery without even bother changing her scrubs soaked with blood and dirt (She scrubbed and washed her face after the surgery, she's not an animal.) 

She's sitting on a bench in the abandoned parking lot. No one's going to see her here anyways. People only park here if the hospital is fully packed, it's a place she goes to every time she needed a breath of fresh air. She needs to let herself process what happened. She can't mess up again like earlier today every time a blonde woman around 25-30 years old being pulled out of an ambulance. She hasn't decided yet on what to do with what she feels towards her even after spending most nights thinking _"How did this happen? How did I even not notice it? What the fuck am I gonna do now? Maybe she don't even want to see me after I avoided her. I'm so fucked up."_ and how she feels every time she remembered the young woman from the little thing she knows she'll like. It made her heart hurts not being able to even communicate with her because she's an idiot who disregarded a good friendship when fear starts to creep in her mind that she just decided to stay away. 

She puts her hand to her face leaning down on her knees. _"What an idiot you are. She's probably having a hard time right now dealing with the memories she's starting to remember again."_ Eve checks her chart from time to time and she saw that the recent diagnosis with her is psychogenic amnesia. It's the kind of amnesia where the memories are repressed or forgotten due to being intense and emotionally-charged. Experiences and memories can still be recovered after working through the trauma and Villanelle never miss an appointment with her therapist. Eve is not crossing any boundary because Villanelle was her patient and it's legal to check her chart since she's the head doctor in her case. However, their paths haven't cross around the hospital. So when Eve slowly lifts her head up and her brown eyes meet the hazel ones; she's sure the universe is playing tricks with her. 

Villanelle is with Irina by her side walking towards her or maybe the door to the hospital behind her. She's not sure. She doesn't know what to do or say but she wants to ask her how she's doing. She gained a little weight that makes her look healthier than before. She's wearing a brown silk button-down tucked under plain blank pants, sleeves were folded up until the elbows, and a plain black but looks like a designer's derby shoes. She's still walking towards Eve but her face won't give any hints away of what she feels towards seeing Eve. Just when Eve stands and takes one step towards her--- "Eve, we need you in OR 2!" 

Eve gives her a weak smile but she curses at the the universe as she runs towards Kenny. She finally knows she wanted to at least befriend her again. The blonde gives her a small smile and nodded to her before she ran away. She knew it will be hard explaining to her what happened or why did she suddenly avoid her but she'll do whatever she can to be around her again. It doesn't mean she's not afraid anymore though, she's terrified as hell but it's enough for now.

Several hours later, a very tiring day comes to an end. Bill, Elena, and Eve are in the bar across the hospital. Eve is with them but not totally with them. She's staring at her now label-less beer. 

"Okay, what is it?" Bill asks. 

"Sorry, what?" She replies. 

"You're staring at your beer for straight five minutes. We are all tired but your not your usual self. What's wrong?" Jess informs her. 

"Oh, it's nothing," she waves her hand dismissively. 

"Is it about a certain blonde you saw from awhile ago in the parking lot?" Jess has her suspicions after Kenny told her she found Eve at the parking lot. "I heard you looked like shit when she saw you, Eve. You could have changed your scrubs before going out!" She teases Eve a little because she knew Eve will not open up if she feels so tense about it. "How did you know?" "Kenny talks to us, you know." "Eve," Bill says as he takes her hand and covers it with his on the table. He looks straight into his best friend's eyes and he can see that she is in a bad place. Eve just looks at him like she's telling him something telepathically. Hoping he understands her without needing to explain herself. They saw Eve like this before and it's not usually a good thing. Twice to be certain. One of them was when her father died of cancer. Eve is like a rock most of the time, everyone can count on her and lean on her whenever they need to. Bill knew it's one of the moments when Eve needs them. 

"It is about her, right? you don't have to say anything if you don't want to. Just remember we are here for you and it will not happen again. Give yourself a chance, Evie. You deserve it." 

Eve looks like she's going to cry right there and then. Bill understands her and she knows they know where is she coming from having to witness her in the past themselves. "Bill---" 

_Ring. Ring. Ring_ Eve's phone is ringing in her pocket interupting their conversation. However, when she takes it out and see the caller ID, her heart starts racing again. She takes it in front of her friends. She doesn't even bother to excuse herself because she needs to answer the phone right away. "Konstantin. Is there something wrong?" "Eve, can you come at our house? Villanelle locked herself in her room and she won't talk to us. She remembered about her mom, Eve. She's mad at me and Irina. We don't know what to do, please." She quickly told her friends "Villanelle needs me." and they understood without another word. Bill just asked her if she can drive safely but then Jess answered for her that Eve doesn't even finish her first bottle. Eve is being led by Irina towards Villanelle's room. Konstantin is outside her door. If Eve broke traffic rules just to be there 20 minutes after the call ended, she doesn't care. For once, fuck the rules. Also, she put up her "Doctor's on call" sign so she won't be charge about anything. Villanelle is technically still her patient. Not on this matter though. _"She's still a patient. I'm not abusing my privillage."_

Konstantin left her to give her a chance to talk to Villanelle. 

_knock. knock. knock._

"Go away! My mother died and you took away the chance for me to grieve her the moment I woke up," she's sobbing and Eve's heart broke into million pieces hearing her like this. 

"It's me, Eve." 

After several minutes, Eve is patiently waiting at her door. She'll stand there for as long as she needs until she opens her door for her or if she'll tell her to go away while looking to her eyes like she means it. For now, she'll wait. She can hear her breathing heavily on the other side of the door. 

She slowly opens the door and Eve can see how broken she is. It makes her want to protect her with all that she can. She wants to hold her and make all the pain go away. She wants to engulf her in her arms and keep her away from the world. Be her human shield. But no, she'll patiently wait for her to ask her to come in or say anything. She will do whatever the blonde will ask of her. 

"Why are you here? Are you playing doctor again, acting as a friend but avoiding me afterwards? Leaving, lying, and pretending as everyone does?" She's trembling as she asks Eve. No more tears left to cry but her eyes are swollen and her cheeks are so red. Eve is lying if she says that the words don't hurt her but it's the truth. 

_"Okay, I deserved it." She thinks._

"I have no valid reason to pretend that I didn't avoid you but I hope you still give me a chance to explain it to you someday. No, I won't do it again. Please let me help you, whatever you need." 

"Whatever," Villanelle says and left her door open for Eve to come in. She lies on her bed facing away from Eve and she sits down at the chair beside the bed. 

Eve can see the blonde trembling and hear her little sobs to full-blown crying. 

Every fear and doubt she has quickly disappeared out of her mind. She cannot walk away from the blonde, not anymore. It's something she thought she can do but the magnetic field pulling her towards Villanelle is too strong; she doesn't want to resist it this time. No more one step forward and two steps back. No more games. Eve decided from this moment on, she'll be here for the Villanelle. She decided she will do everything for the blonde to let her in again. She will accept it with just being a friend or more. For now, she just wants to focus on her. If she'll break her heart, then Eve will gladly give it to her. It doesn't even feel like hers these days anyway. 

"V, can I hold you?" 

"Will you do it again?" 

"No. I'm deeply sorry. I know it's not one of your concerns right now, we don't have to talk about it. I'm not going anywhere, V. Not anymore."

"Okay."

She's still shaking from head to toe. Eve takes off her coat and shoes then approaches the bed. She slides behind Villanelle and slowly put her arms around the blonde. 

"I'm sorry for your loss," she whispers as she put her chin on her shoulder. Eve will not try to play doctor, she's not a psychologist. 

Villanelle starts weeping again in her arms and she holds her closer and tighter hoping the contact will take away even the slightest pain from the blonde and transfer it to Eve instead. She begs for the universe to make it stop. Villanelle suffered enough. 

After several minutes and no more literal tears to cry. Villanelle feels that she's about to fall asleep. An escape. If Eve's arm helped her to feel \warmer and calmer than before, she won't tell her. Instead, she'll ask. 

"Will you stay?" 

"Do you want me to?"

"Yes." 

"Then, I'm staying." 

Eve holds her closer to her chest and she can feel the blonde is slowly falling asleep as her breathing starts to slow down. Villanelle reaches for her right hand and holds it to her chest. After several minutes, Eve is certain that she's asleep. 

"I'm really sorry, V. I'll try my best not to hurt you ever again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's one of the chapters I've been looking forward to write ever since I started this fic. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I am. Tell me what you think about it!


	10. Unknown Number

"Ahhhhhhhh! I can't!" 

She immediately turns around after waking up to the sound of someone screaming from behind her. 

"Wake up, Eve. What is it? Eve!"

She holds her on both of her shoulders on an attempt of waking her up and closely examining the face to see what's wrong. 

"Arghhhhhh!" 

She continues to wake Eve up but clearly failing and Eve is still screaming at the top of her lungs. Several moments later, Eve slowly opens her eyes, kind of disoriented that she's not in her room. She looks at her face and stops screaming. 

"Oh my--- I'm sorry, V. I woke you up," the brunette covers her face with both of her hands out of embarrassment. 

"Hey, it's okay. What happened? Nightmare? Are you okay?" she calmly asks. 

She's close enough to examine Eve's face. Close enough to see how the sun light accentuates the doctor's features. Eve looks goddess even if she's covering her whole face with her hands, Villanelle can see how beautiful she is right after waking up. 

Eve peeks through her fingers to look at her like a child. 

"hm, you fell asleep on my left arm. I wasn't able to feel---oh it's coming back now,” her voice is so tiny like she’s unsure if she should say it but did it anyway.

"Oh. you scared me, Eve!" she lighlty chuckles at the brunette but suddenly remember why she's here. Eve notices the change in her eyes. 

"Hey. it's okay, V." 

Villanelle flops back on the bed,trying to compose herself. They are both laying on their backs and staring at the ceiling; it's not uncomfortable nor awkward. Even after few weeks of not seeing or being around with each other, they can still comfortably be around each other's personal spaces without being uncomfortable. Still, a safe space. 

"How did you get over it, Eve?" 

"I think no one won't ever get over it, V. At some point, I got used to him not being with us. I didn’t even realize when it happened but I stopped dialing his number at moments I need him the most. I'd like to think that he's always there watching out for me. If not, it doesn't matter anyway because he's always on my mind. I always hear his voice and he's always one of the reasons why I do the things I do. It will never be enough but I'll take it. At least he's not hurting anymore." 

Villanelle sighs. Eve looks at her. 

"I can't tell you that it will be okay or you'll get over it eventually. It's not the same for everyone. But, I want you to know that I'll be here whenever you need me," she adds. 

Villanelle looks at her and smile. 

"Thank you, Eve."

She's hurting and still mad at her living family members. So, she’s really thankful for Eve being there for here. 

"You have an appointment today, right? We can go together if you want, I need to go back to the hospital soon anyway." 

"Someone's been checking my schedule?" she teases Eve as she gets out of the bed to take a shower, never leaving the brunette's eyes. 

"Uhm, yeah. Just need to know how you're---"

"I'm kidding, Eve. You don't have to explain. I'm going to take a shower now. Do you want to take a shower after me? You can borrow some of my clothes," She asks.

"Oh," Eve exhales, a breath of relief. "No, it's fine. I'll just shower at the hospital."

It seems reasonable to put Eve on her misery just a little bit more but she can't take it every time the doctor looks unsure of herself. 

"I insist and we're getting breakfast before going to your work. No arguments." 

She quickly disappears at her en suite. Giving Eve no time to argue with her. She prepares her simple ensemble for today: white shirt, black bomber jacket, ripped jeans and black converse. After half an hour, she finished her routine by putting a sunblock on her face then puts her plain black sunglasses on the top of her head. 

"It's your turn, doctor. Just wear anything you want from my wardrobe," she says as she gets out of her en suite only to find Eve on her phone, talking to someone else. 

Eve ends the call and turns to her. 

"Sorry, are you saying something? Work." 

She walks toward her and taps her nose. She notices Eve looked happy right after the call. 

"I said, it's your turn, stinky head." 

"You don't have to do that! Yes, I'm taking a shower," she whines like a child. She disappears to the en suite and Villanelle waits for her while reading a book at her bed side chair. 

After 20 mins, Eve gets out of her en suite wearing her Oxford pullovers paired with one of her faded ripped jeans. It's a little bit oversized for her but she wears it like its hers all along. 

_Damn. Of course, she looks cute wearing my clothes. Nay, hot. She looks hot and cute at the same time._

"Ready?" 

Villanelle snaps out of her daydream hearing the brunette's voice. She closes the book she's pretending to read awhile ago and picks up her bag. Eve follows her right after. 

_________________________

The 45 minutes drive with drive thru included was comfortable and quiet like they have done this multiple times. Eve parks at the front of the hospital near the main entrance, her designated spot. 

"Of course, you have your own parking slot, Dr. Park." 

"Surprised? It took a lot of work to acquire the best spot in the parking area," she shrugs, turns off the engine and gets out of the car. The blonde follows immediately. They are walking side-by-side towards the main entrance. 

"Not surprised. You are really good at what you do. Sometimes, I forgot that you're the world-renowned and goddess of neurosurgery." 

Eve laughs, it still sounds ridiculous when people call her like that. 

"Yeah? Me too, I forgot that you are a famous actress when I'm with you." 

Villanelle blushes but Eve doesn't say anything about it. 

"Look at your right, Eve." 

Eve looks at her right but she can't understand the blonde's request. 

"Do you see the cameraman with a stupid looking black cap as his disguise? Yes, still famous. Sometimes, I hate it." 

"Oh, really? What a shit. Do you want me to confront him?" 

"No, don't waste your time." 

At that, Villanelle turns to face the man's camera and gives him a middle finger right before they enter the building. 

"Congratulations, Dr. Park!!!" people say in unison. 

Doctors, nurses, and other hospital staff are gather at the main lobby. The blonde stands still, confuse on what's happening. Eve doesn't leave her eyes and mouths "sorry" as Jess pulls her to the middle of the crowd. 

"It's okay," she replies and waves Eve good bye. 

After thanking everyone and telling them to not get their hope up because it is just a nomination, she looks at the spot where the blonde stood a couple of minutes ago. They don’t even finish their conversation, she just hopes Villanelle will feel better after her therapy. 

_________________________

Two hours of non-stop contemplating and talking with her therapist put things in perspective. It's still a lot to process but it really helps a lot on understanding where her sister and father coming from.

She goes straight to her mother after the session. 

"Mom, I'm sorry... I----" she can't find the words to say and starts weeping, letting it all out. She knows her mother understands her without even saying any words at all. 

"I miss you, mamochka. I wish you were her." 

"I miss her too, you know," Irina says behind her. "I'm sorry for letting you down," she adds while she stands beside her sister who's still looking at their mother tombstone. 

"It's okay, I understand. It doesn't mean it hurts less though. Still feels like I was stab from behind my back over and over again." 

She chuckles lightly, what a shit show. 

"I missed you, asshole." 

"I missed you too, shit head." 

They look at each other and smile even though their eyes are filled with tears threatening to fall down any moment. They laugh lightly. 

"Drama queen," they both say at the same time. 

They sit on the bench near her mother's tombstone. 

"How are you?" 

"What? You're the one with amnesia, Villanelle. Why are you asking me how I am?" 

They are staring at the tree in front of them. They can't look at each other, both are not used to talking about how they feel. 

"I know but I wasn't here for you for a very long time, you've grown up." 

"Yeah. About to enter uni next school year. I'm applying in med school at the last minute. After what happened to you and mom, I spent a lot of time in the hospital and met Eve, it just made sense. I never knew I would like to be a doctor. Now, I can't see any other future for myself." 

"I'm sorry you have to go through all of it because of---" 

"No, stop apologizing for something you didn't intend to do. Stop it. Doesn't look good on you." 

"Oh, there she is. My shit head little sister." 

"Whatever. Speaking of Eve, would you ask her if she can help me sometime?" 

"What? I don't have contact with her." 

"Really? After she slept on your bed last night? WELL, THAT'S NEW." 

"Shut up!" she hits her on the head and runs towards Irina's car. 

"Aw! Asshole! You better run for life" 

After chasing each other around the cemetery for about 30 minutes, she and Irina go home. Villanelle cleans herself up and decides for a hot chocolate. She’s drinking her chocolate at their kitchen island when an idea pops in her mind. She texts Hugo for Eve’s number and after so many banters, he gives it to her.

V: Congrats, Eve. 🥳😊

E: Who’s this?

V: Ouch.💔

V: I’m your girlfriend and you deleted my number? 🤨

E: A) I don’t have a girlfriend. B) I willstop engaging if you refuse to tell me who you are.

V: Does this mean I’m your ex now?😟

After 5 minutes with no reply, Villanelle calls her. _________________________ 

Ring. Ring, Ring.  
Caller ID: Unknown number

She’s not usually answer calls from unknown numbers but she’s really curious on who is the person at the other end, so, she picks up. 

“So, no girlfriend at the moment then?” She recognizes the thick Russian accent and 100% sure she knows the person at the other end of the line. 

“Funny, how did you get my number?”

“Connections, Eve.”

Eve rolls her eyes as if she can see her. Of course, Hugo will give her personal number without even asking her. 

“I bet you got it from an entitled golden boy named Hugo, yea?”

“Touché, Doctora. Don’t be mad at him though, I blackmailed him to get your number,” she hears her laughing. Eve melts at the sound, she miss her silly side. 

_There she is. Maybe her therapy helped her to process._

“Whatever you say, boss,” she teases. “Feeling better?”

“Yep. A lot.”

“Good to know.” 

Silence takes over but they can hear each other breathing. Eve decides to break it. 

“Hey, V?”

“Eve?”

“Do you want to grab dinner later? My shift will end at 6:00 pm. You can say no if you don’t want to. It’s okay.”

“Are you kidding me? Of course! I’ve been dying to leave this house and eat outside!” 

“Okay, then. How about korean?”

“At our favorite Korean restaurant? You can really read my mind, Dr. Park.”

“Meet you there at 6:30 then?”

“Si. Adios!”

“Bye, V.”

At 6:45 pm, the blonde arrives at the restaurant. They finished eating after an hour. If feels like a movie for her because everyone becomes blurry and inaudible except the blonde across her. Villanelle is saying something funny while smiling at her. She can feel her heart beats faster than it ever has before. She’s almost positive she’s having a have a heart attack at the moment. She never felt like this way before and it makes it more even terrifying for her. 

_How is It fair? She’s so gorgeous._

“Eve? Is there something wrong?”

She clears her throat, “What? No, nothing. I have something to tell you though.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? Let me know!
> 
> Sorry for the delay. I'm editing the first few chapters and writing the next ones. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> Next chapter will be up soon, it's finished.


	11. Phil and Claire

“Shoot," Villanelle replies.

“I am nominated for the upcoming Catherine Fox Award and I was wondering if you would like to be my date?" Eve asks, reluctantly.

Villanelle stares at her for a few minutes. _Did I misread the whole situation? Is she trying to find a polite way to say no? Gosh, she's my patient. What am I thinking?!_ Eve mentally kicks herself. 

"Villanelle? You can say no if you don't want to, it's fi--"

"Eve," Villanelle says, grinning. "Are you really asking me to be your date to receive an award for 'Outstanding doctor in Neurosurgery'?" 

Eve rolls her eyes with a wide smile she cannot seem to hide. 

“This is not a movie, Villanelle. Only the best of the best is recognized in this field. A nomination is an honor already and being awarded is like winning an Oscar. Anyway, it doesn't matter, I am not expecting anything," she waves her hand dismissively. 

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, Eve," Villanelle shrugs, "but the whole hospital is talking about you, they think you deserved it."

"I know, it's a big deal but I don't want them to be disappointed." 

"They will never be disappointed in you. St. Thomas are only proud of you and so am I!" Villanelle says, opening her arms as if the whole restaurant is proud of her as well. Eve's cheeks flush. 

"Thank you. So, is it a yes or no for me?" 

“I would be honored to be your date, Dr. Park,” she winks at her. 

If Eve is being honest with herself, she doesn't think this one through. Catherine Fox award is once a lifetime experience, a dream come true. And when she heard the news, she can only see herself celebrating her biggest achievement in life with the beautiful Russian buying champagne for everyone in the restaurant, announcing to everyone how proud she is of her favorite doctor. 

Halloween turns up to be a better day for them and Eve thanks to the universe for it. It could have been worst, she knows from the start that her memories will soon come back to her and it might break the blonde. Maybe the universe is giving a little push after hearing her thousands of thoughts about the blonde she keeps to herself, a chance she doesn't know she will ever get. But here they are, not a day passes by without texting, calling, or seeing each other when they can. 

Eve's schedule becomes hectic than usual, surgeries are adjusted earlier for her to attend the event. One day, she does three consecutive long hours of surgeries without eating or sleeping. Villanelle, despite her busy schedule due to her house's renovation, sneaks Eve out of the hospital for two hours to let her eat a home-cooked meal and nap in her EarthRoamer truck camper she uses during her shootings or road trips. After her shift, Eve has only one day-off before she spends another week of non-stop scheduled and emergency surgeries until the event. Nonetheless, she goes to the blonde's flat to give her late house-warming gift only to be welcomed with a wasted Villanelle due to the party held the night before. She puts an IV line and gives her a dose of banana bag to cure her hangover, prepares a brunch for both of them, and spends her day cleaning the blonde's house. As the sun sets, Villanelle wakes up with a clean house and a beautiful doctor sleeping on her couch. 

Villanelle ordered pizza for their dinner. They are eating in her living room while watching random episodes of Friends. 

"Eve, they are still offering me the project I left unfinished before. Everyone is willing to come back," she blurts out. 

"How about you? Are you willing to come back?"

Eve doesn't know the story behind the blonde's life in show business, leaving it to her if ever she wants to share it with her. According to Elena, Villanelle left showbiz for personal reasons, but she has remarkable performances in the industry. 

"Honestly, yes. Even if they keep on telling me to take my time and not to rush anything," Villanelle swallows a half-rolled pizza in her mouth. 

"Irina and Konstatin?"

"And GIna."

"You mean Dr. Lopez?" 

Villanelle shrugs, grinning. 

"I understand, you don't want to put your life on hold for something uncertain. You want to move on wi--" Eve adds. 

"And maybe it's even better? I'm satisfied with what I know and what I have right now. I'm happy," Villanelle continues. 

"Maybe or maybe not, I don't know the answer. As a friend, I'd say do what you want to do. Life has taken a year of life already. If you say you're happy, then maybe it will work out for good. If something bad happens, then we will deal with it when it happens."

"That more I like it," Villanelle smiles, satisfied.

"Do you still want to come a day earlier before the event?" 

"Are you kidding, Eve? That's non-negotiable!" 

"Okay, fine! Why are you shouting at me?! I'm just making sure!" 

"I don't know!" 

They burst into laughter, the night ends with both of them falling asleep on the couch until Eve's pager wake them up in the middle of the night. Villanelle insists on driving her to the hospital for her to get some more sleep according to the blonde. The next few days, Villanelle comes back straight to her shooting locations. She once told Eve how she missed the rush she feels every time she has to be in the zone for every shot and she can't even think why she chose to leave this lifestyle if it makes her so happy. Most of the time, Villanelle is texting or calling her in between her takes complaining how annoying Irina is, following her to anywhere she goes like a dog. It warms Eve's heart every time she receives a text message, a call, or voice mail from Villanelle; no matter how chaotic the blonde is. Listening to her after a long surgery or when she's about to start her day become her favorite part of the day. It still amazes her how Villanelle finds time to update her, the way she laughs at her own ridiculous stories when Eve can't answer due to her surgeries. It never fails to make Eve smile. 

Caller ID: V

“Dr. Park, Someone’s calling you, it's V. Should I pick it up?” a nurse asks her.

Eve along with Bill and Hugo is in the operation room for straight twelve hours. The patient’s condition is critical that requires Eve to get in and out as soon as Bill finishes stopping her bleeding abdomen. Eve is been operating for more or less 5 hours due to complications rising one after another. She lost track of time, struggling to find a way to fix the woman’s C5 spine without paralyzing her. 

“What day and time is it?” she asks without taking her eyes off her patient. 

“November 12, 18:45,” Bill says and gives her a knowing look. 

“Shit. I’m supposed to be at going to the airport right now,” she can see in her best friend's face through her peripheral vision. “Bill, stop it.” 

“Not saying anything, Dr. Park.”

“Pick it up. Tell her I’m in the middle of a surgery and I’ll call her right after,” she hesitates to say the next few words, feeling everyone's eyes on her. “Tell her I’m sorry and I’ll make it up to her.” 

After a few seconds, she figured out how they will proceed with the surgery. An hour later, the patient’s out of the OR and into the recovery room. 

She’s scrubbing her hands beside Bill after the grueling operation. 

“Too loud, Eve.”

“I’m not saying anything, Bill.”

“I can hear you thinking. Go and win the Catherine Fox award, be with you girl. I’ll be with the patient through the night for both of us. Just to make sure.”

Eve stops washing her hand and looks at her friend. 

“Not my girl, Bill.”

“Not yet?” 

Eve rolls her eyes. Bill finishes washing his hand and faces her best friend. 

“Too soon?” he smirks. 

“Funny, old man. She still can‘t remember some important events in her life and still recovering. I won’t do anything to jeopardize it. I just want to enjoy this event with her. I don’t know exactly why.”

Bill just smiles and sprinkles water on her face. 

“What the---” 

He laughs at her. “Call her and go away already. A trauma or something might turn up and you’ll end up never leaving this premises.” 

They both finish drying their hands and part ways. She immediately dials the blonde’s number while she sits on a chair in one of the hallways. 

“Hey, everything went well?” 

“Hi. Sorry for not calling you. I just finished from thirteen hours of surgery. It’s not an excuse though. I hope your not mad at me or something,” she says as she massages her temple, leaning her head on the backrest of a very uncomfortable steel chair. 

“Where are you? Come here at the back parking lot before I freeze to death.”

“What? Right now?”

“Yes.”

* * *

She’s been waiting for Eve to reach her for the past twelve hours. Villanelle can’t explain it, she’s excited and nervous at the same time. If she packs three dresses and suits, she convinces herself that she just can’t choose which one looks better on her; certainly not because she’s a little bit conscious of what Eve and her people will think about her. Villanelle never felt conscious before. She likes to be seen and be the center of attention, naturally confident with herself. However, when it comes to Eve, she's turning into a teenager picking up her first girlfriend for a prom night, dressing up to appear as the right woman for Eve's parents. Except, this is not a prom and the people around Eve are professionals. She's been pacing around her room until she hears that Eve is still on surgery. They won't be able to catch their plane and she won't just watch it to happen.

Villanelle makes some calls and proceeds to pick up her date. She’s casually leaning on her black Lexus at the back parking of the hospital while waiting for Eve. Without further ado, Eve comes out of the door wearing her usual dark blue scrubs, looking exhausted. They smile at each other the moment those hazel green eyes catch the brown ones. 

“Hi, Eve,” she says as the corner of her lips turn up a little bit more. 

“Hey. What are you doing here? I told you I’ll call right after.” 

“Tired?” 

“Oh god, yes,” she mirrors Villanelle's position and stares at the moon above them, “I think it’s weird to say this but I’m going to say it anyway. You smell fresh and powdery, it's intoxicating all of my senses,” she groans, “I envy you. You look so comfortable. I would do everything for a hot shower right now.”

Villanelle laughs at her misfortune. She is comfortable in her plain black Adidas tracksuit, a pair of white Gucci sneakers, and a plain black cap. 

“What if I told you can take a hot bath while we travel to Santa Monica? If you’re still up to travel tonight, that is,” she looks at Eve. The brunette looks at her with eyebrows intersecting in the middle of her forehead.

“Sorry what?” 

“Yes or no, Eve?” 

“Yes. Whatever. You got me at hot bath, anyway,” she rolls her eyes at the blonde but smiling as she says, “give me ten minutes to change and get my suitcase, you can take me wherever you want afterward.”

She sleeps throughout the ride to the London City general aviation ramp. Villanelle takes their suitcase out before she wakes Eve up from the door of the passenger seat. The brunette slowly wakes up but when she realizes where she is, she looks like she's still dreaming. She gets out of the car and stands beside the blonde. Villanelle holds their suitcase in each hand. 

“Ready?” she asks Eve, satisfied seeing the surprised look on Eve’s face.

“Really? A luxurious private jet, V?” 

Villanelle shrugs, “Figured it’s much comfortable traveling with The Hawk than any first-class in other planes since you’re tired. I remembered I promised you a hot bath, didn’t I?”

They walk towards the black matte jet and a pair of pilot-stewardess welcomes both of them. The pilot hugs Villanelle and the stewardess takes their suitcase.

“Welcome back, V. We missed you! I supposed you are Dr. Park, nice to meet you and welcome.” 

“So? You like it?" Villanelle asks, smirking. 

“Yes! I have one question though,” she raises an eyebrow at her, “Why the hell would you let me pay for two first-class tickets when you have a private jet all along?!” Eve says and playfully hits her shoulder. 

“Aw! I told you I can pay but you still insisted to do so," she shrugs.

The Hawk has four black modern chairs that are better than any first-class ride with two tables in between; one black minimalistic bathroom with an elegant tub and full rainfall showerhead. The stewardess assists Eve to the bathroom where she takes her time enjoying the hot bath relaxing her aching muscles. When she finishes, dinner is served. Grilled beef with broccoli paired with a glass of expensive red wine. 

They are watching a movie until Eve falls asleep in the middle of it. Villanelle turns it off and lets the brunette get her much needed sleep. She covers her with a comforter and adjusts the chair to the optimum position for sleeping. She watches eve for a little while across her until the light snoring from the brunette lures her to sleep. 

Santa Monica, CA  
Midnight, Friday

As they walk down the stairs, she sees her baby waiting for her nearby. 

“Oh. Don’t tell me this is our ride, Villanelle,” Eve says, amused at what she’s seeing in front of her. 

They reach the car and she enjoys this indescribable look on Eve’s face, Villanelle leans on the hood of her car. 

“Eve, meet my baby. Ellie,” she grins.

“No, you own a Chevrolet Camaro RS 1967 Bolero convertible with 4 speed, 396 ci engine?! IN. SANTA. MONICA,” Eve rolls her eyes for the nth time. 

“Yep. One of the original models. You know your car, huh?”

“Why am I even surprised? You own a private jet." 

“It's the family’s jet, Eve. For business. Don’t be ridiculous,” she waves her hand dismissively and takes their suitcase inside the trunk, “Want to drive? I can give you directions to our hotel,” she adds. 

“You know it!”

She tosses the key to Eve and the doctor catches it like they are in a spy movie. Villanelle feels like in a movie anyway, she can’t believe this is happening. 

“Ready?” Eve asks as the blonde pushes the button for the top to go down.

The cold sea breeze hits their faces as Eve drives towards the ocean side hotel they are staying at. Some of the roads look haunted on the way because it’s midnight. Not for Eve though, it looks like her race track because that means she can drive as fast as she can while enjoying the view they pass by without violating any traffic rules, of course. Nightlife in Santa Monica is surely one of the best one can ever experience. As they pass by the Santa Monica Pier, pumping music and neon lights welcome them.

“God, I miss this!!!!!!” she shouts at the top of her lungs. She looks at the brunette in her driver’s seat. Her hair is down and the sea breeze moves her gorgeous hair away from her face. She looks stunning and happy. “It’s a beautiful night,” she whispers to herself while looking at Eve. 

“What. Are. You. Saying!?” she shouts for the blonde to hear her. 

“Nothing! Just keep on driving! 2 minutes more!”

She takes out her vintage Canon Canonet camera and snaps some pictures of the nightlife. A few minutes later, they arrive at the hotel’s parking area. 

“Eve."

She looks at the blonde when--- 

_Click. Flash._

“What the? My hair looks messy, Villanelle! Delete that!” 

“Can’t. It’s a film camera, Eve,” she shrugs and shoots the brunette a wink. 

“You’re unbelievable,” Eve locks the car and follows her to the entrance of the lobby. 

“I know.” 

* * *

When Eve walks into their suite, she’s not even surprised anymore. The young woman has very good taste so she expects nothing less. It consists of an adjacent living room in between two bedrooms with a 42-inch TV, a hydrotherapy spa tub in each room, a mesmerizing ocean view, and a pantry. A perfect place to unwind and forget the whole world exists. 

Villanelle sits down on one of the couches and crosses her legs while she pours herself some coffee in the pantry. 

“Eve, do you want to sleep already or do something? It’s 9 AM in London anyway.” 

Eve walks to the shared living room and takes a seat across from the blonde. 

“Up to you, I slept for 8 hours on the way here. Besides, it’s not like I have a regular sleeping schedule. I’m a surgeon, V.”

“Yes, kind of forgot that,” Villanelle stands up and walks into her room. “Want to watch a movie?” 

“Now, that’s an idea.” 

Eve follows Villanelle to her bedroom. She doesn’t mind though, she just feels like she’s in a sleepover with her best friend. She wasn’t able to attend any sleepovers as a kid because her parents are strict and traditional as any Korean parents are. It’s silly but is it what it is. Villanelle gets under the covers and she follows, then Villanelle pulls up their blanket up to their neck. It’s not even awkward, she feels like they have been doing this all along. The blonde turns on the TV and starts searching for movies on Netflix. 

“Oh, Eve! Have you seen Modern family?” her face lights up like a child who’s about to get her favorite chocolate. “I know I said we should watch a movie but it’s really fun!” 

Eve hasn’t seen any movies or series for a while now. It’s not something she can do all the time while being a surgeon. So, if she’s being honest she wants to watch something she can understand without having any context. However, seeing the grin on Villanelle’s face does something to her to a point that she will agree or give anything the woman-child wants. Also, she wants to know about her even more. What movies she likes, favorite chocolates, favorite genre of music to listen to, and other silly little things. 

“Sure.” 

She only sees Villanelle this enthusiastic when she’s about to eat her food or when there’s ice cream, it intrigues her what’s the fuss all about. Contrary to the popular belief of Villanelle’s fans, the famous actress is a sucker for a romantic comedy. She’s a softie and not a fan of the horror genre like her fans knew based on their blogs that she saw back when Elena told her that their patient was a famous actress. If Eve searched articles and watched movies of Villanelle, no she didn’t. She will never tell her that because it will make whatever in between them awkward. A risk she’s never willing to take. 

Before the episode, Villanelle briefly explains the context. Eve is trying to listen to her but she gets distracted by how she tells the story with her comical gestures and killer smile as if she can vividly remember the story scene per scene. Little does she knows, Eve is smiling herself. 

“Why are you smiling? Did you listen to everything I just said?” she asks but waves her hand dismissively right after, not giving Eve a chance to answer. “Doesn’t matter, you’ll see. Everyone deserves a Claire or a Phil!” she says contentedly and plays the video. 

In the middle of the episode, Eve realizes that it’s not the first episode. Maybe the blonde picked it because it’s her favorite. She gets it even without Villanelle’s input though. It's hilarious. They burst into laughter when Jay caught Hailey trying to escape the house for a party but ends up staying because of her boyfriend wanting to stay and watch a stupid cowboy movie, or when Phil pretends that he’s happy with the five hug coupons that Claire gave to him as her anniversary gift. As the episode gets closer to the end, they also get closer to each other until Villanelle leans on her shoulder. Nonetheless, she leans her head to Villanelle’s and cannot stop herself from smiling even they are watching a scene where Phil is pretending that he knows Spandau Ballet and failing miserably for Claire not to feel bad. 

“Awww, he loves Claire so much! Look, he will even pretend that True is their song even though he knows what’s their real song just to not make Claire feel terrible,” Villanelles says while pointing to the TV and making a babyface. 

Eve laughs lightly. The episode ends with Phil telling Claire the truth but finds a way for his wife to not be sad by telling her that “True” will be their new song as they slow dance to the song. The next episode automatically plays. 

“What? You don’t find it sweet?” Villanelle asks suspiciously. 

“It’s cheesy, V,” she shrugs. 

“It is but it only shows how much he truly loves her,” V pouts like a child. 

“Okay, don’t give me that face,” she teases, “I only said that because it’s true but I laughed because I didn’t think it is the kind of thing you would watch,” she caresses the blonde’s cheek and smiles at her, “And it’s also true. Phil loves Claire tremendously. I kind of get it now why you’d think that everyone deserves someone like them or what they have.”

Villanelle looks convinced that Eve genuinely finds it funny and sweet. 

“Oh! Let’s watch the episode when Phil and Claire are role-playing on Valentine’s day! You should meet Clive Bixby and Julianna, their alter ego.”

Villanelle plays the episode and leans on her shoulder comfortably again until they both fall asleep unconsciously in the middle of the fourth or fifth episode of the Modern family. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If ever you're interested to see their suite, I found this 3D floor plan. Check it out! (https://my.matterport.com/show/?m=KqgECrUBb87&sr=3.12,-1.4&ss=10)


	12. Photographs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unedited. whoops. 
> 
> Enjoy. :)

It’s the best sleep she’s ever had in a very long time, lavender and green tea with a distinct scent of Eve that makes it hers alone fill her lungs, warming her heart. Villanelle wakes up with her face into the crook of her neck, half-spooning the brunette. The suite consists of two bedrooms but here they are, not even maximizing the queen size bed, does it even matter? Of course not. As long as Eve is comfortable with her, nothing else matters.

"Too loud, V," her voice deeper than usual from sleep.

Villanelle peeks to study Eve’s face. Her eyes are still close with a slight smile on her lips. She returns to her previous and most comfortable position.

"Morning, mon docteur préféré, " Villanelle mumbles, holding Eve closer.

"Because I took you out of a coma?” Eve replies with a smirk.

Villanelle perks up again, looking at her with wide eyes open.

"Est-ce que tu parles français?”

"No. Yo hablo español y ingles. I can only understand French," she laughs lightly, Villanelle can feel the vibration on her chest. And to be honest, she wants to be the reason for that distinct sound Eve makes.

"Hmm, let's go watch the sunrise!" she sits up.

Eve rolls over, burying her face onto a pillow

"Too early, V. We are on vacation!"

"Come on, Evieeee!”

She doesn’t know if it is the nickname that slips out of her mouth or the espresso that convinces Eve to go out. Just in time for the sunrise, they are sitting on the beach towel watching the scene unfolds while Eve eats her makai bowl and Villanelle takes tons of photographs.

"Breathtaking," Eve says while looking at the sun as it peaks and colors the ocean in different hues of sparkling orange-yellow.

Villanelle points her camera to the woman beside her, focusing her lens—

"Hmm... Gorgeous"

_Click._

* * *

She sees the blonde walking towards her from afar, ice cream in one hand and shopping bags in the other. Eve waves her hand, sitting on a bench near the Under Armor outlet store. Meters apart, green eyes lock with brown ones.

“I chose the metallic rose gold,” Eve informs.

“Oh, yeah? I knew you’ll pick it out of all the colors. It suits you.”

“Thanks, what did you bought?”

“Oh, a surprise!” Villanelle perks up, dragging Eve to her car.

It’s a five-minute drive from the Third Promenade street to the Boxunison gym. Eve is inspecting the area while waiting for Villanelle. She walks into the room adjacent to the reception area where the numerous punching bags are aligned with each other. On the other side of the room, a massive training area. At the back of it all, there are four boxing rings for sparring. Of all the things she expects for the blonde to prepare, this is the least of it all.

_Oh, this is going to be so much fun._

"Let's go get change," Villanelle says as she hands her one of the paper bags.  
Eve walks out of the cubicle and she immediately notices Villanelle braiding her hair in front of the huge mirror. She is wearing the same sports bra and leggings in reverse color of Eve’s, black with Adidas white stripes. Eve stands beside her to fix her hair, Villanelle looks amused, taking in her body from bottom to top, lingering on her abdomen. Looking at their reflection, Eve realizes how they are each other’s opposite representation that fits perfectly well—yin and yang.

"Eyes up here, Villanelle"

"Oh, I'm sorry," the blonde cheeks turn rosy red.

"It's fine. You look ravishing yourself," she winks at the blonde through the mirror and turns to secure her locker, leaving the blonde in awe.

After the warm-up, Villanelle grabs the training pads and hands her a pair of gloves.

_She has no idea who she’s up with._

Eve pretends she doesn’t know how to throw a punch and Villanelle offers to give her lessons. Villanelle demonstrates and Eve mimics her movements.

"Wow, I’m impressed. You're a natural, Eve,” Villanelle says in-between giving a simple combination for Eve to follow.

Eve lets it happen for a while, following the blonde from a simple jab to simple combinations until she thinks she has a reasonable amount of time to learn it to ask the question she’s been eager to the moment they step inside the gym.

"Want to spar in the ring? The winner will have to pay for our lunch!" she says a bit too excitedly.

"Uhm, are you sure? it's your first time, we don't have to do it," Villanelle hesitates but the brunette gets inside to one of the rings, "Okay, Eve! This is just for fun, I'll take it easy on you!" she changes her pads to gloves.

Eve sweetly smiles at her and touch their gloves. The timer starts and a scorer watches them carefully. At first, Villanelle leads the pace. The blonde has no idea that Eve is only reading her movements and patterns.

"Don't worry, Eve. I'll still pay for our lunch," she says as she touches Eve's gloves.

Eve throws a combination of jab-straight-hook-straight immediately when the bell rings indicating the start of the second round, keeping a straight face.

"Wow. You're a quick learner, huh," Villanelle says as she throws a jab-jab-straight-hook-uppercut combination that Eve's receives quite experienced for a first-timer. She quickly recovers and throws another combination.

Eve throws a simple combination, punches she learned from their lessons a while ago. Being subtle until she hears the bell for the last minute. She gives the blonde a devilish smirk then throws punches she hasn't learned through the earlier lessons. The blonde does not realize what is happening until a jab-straight-body hook-uppercut-hook-jab-straight thrown her to the corner of the ring. Eve takes advantage of it by throwing more advanced combinations. Villanelle can counter her effort but falls short when the bell rings again.

"I won, you'll pay for lunch," Eve shouts and raises both of her hands victoriously. A moment of silence until people are giving them a round of applause. Both are too much into the game that they didn’t notice how much people are watching them.

Eve and Villanelle laugh out loud. Eve steps closer to her.

"I think I forgot to tell you I train boxing twice a week," Eve kisses her as light as a feather that supposedly on the cheek but it lands on the end of her jaw below her ear as they reach each other for a hug. If Eve acted on her desire to kiss the blonde without thinking, she doesn’t care—feeling bold. If Villanelle even notices it, she doesn’t say or act weirdly about it. They are both sweaty and hot, but what’s important is they are so happy.

* * *

“Earth to Villanelle,” Eve whispers to her ear with a satisfied smile on her face, enjoying the ridiculous surprised face she’s probably making right now.

Villanelle pouts.

“What? You don’t like it? We can go back to our suite if you want to,” Eve sarcastically asks her, pointing to the yacht behind her from afar that’s resting on the pacific.

“No, you told me we are going to a party! I’m not dressed for the occasion, Eve!” she whines. Eve heartily laughs at her misfortune, “and you think this is funny.”

“There’s only the two of us and I’ve seen you worst, V. I wanted to surprise you and your outfit is fine. You look beautiful just the way you are, drama queen,” Eve teases, checking out Villanelle from head-to-toe and with her black tube top straight-cut denim jeans and a black bucket hat paired with white sneakers if ever she needs to carry a drunk Eve in an afterthought—Eve licks her bottom lip.

Slowly learning her effect on Eve, the pout quickly fades away and a smirk takes place. She takes Eve’s hand and holds her as she brisk walk to the yacht. If Eve is not wearing pumps, Villanelle will probably run. Before they reach the yacht, Villanelle halts to take in the view. The four crew members are waving at them while they stand next to each other. It’s a flybridge yacht that consists of an upper deck that serves as a leisure and dining area, a lower deck consists of a master’s bedroom, and a bow (front of the boat) with a comfortable and stylish double sun lounger.

Villanelle looks at Eve only to find the brunette staring at her already. She can’t help but smile, her heart beating like it wants to get out of her chest and be with Eve. And this view—Eve with a smile, the one where she can’t almost see her beautiful brown eyes because it reaches her eyes, while the ocean breeze blowing her curly hair away from her face along with Villanelle’s worries—makes only she could freeze time to stay in this present forever without the care for the past and future. If only they could, right? Then maybe Villanelle doesn’t need to hold back anymore.

Knowing that Eve prepares it for both of them alone does something to her heart. She’s been to a yacht before, stayed at the luxurious hotel, drove around LA late at night, watched the sunrise with another person, and watched movies/series with other people. Yet, excitement is insufficient to describe what she’s feeling whenever she’s with Eve. It feels like the first time all over again.

Eve leads her towards the crew, only to be surprised herself. The moment they step inside the yacht, white confett shower them like snow falling from the sky.

“SURPRISE!”

There, from above them, are Eve’s people lined up behind the railing. Bill, Jess, Elena, Kenny, Hugo, Carolyn, and Eve’s—

“Eomma?! Oh my god!” Eve shouts with disbelief, Villanelle quickly retrieves her hand from Eve’s like a teenager caught by her crush’s parents.

Eve didn’t notice because she’s blinking her eyes several times to make sure she’s not hallucinating or dreaming for that matter. And in some indescribable way, Eve’s happiness becomes hers too.

Irina and Konstantin appear beside Carolyn.

“Eve! V! Come up now, we’re going to partyyyy!” Irina shouts and all of them are giggling with excitement for the fun evening ahead of them.

While they walk upstairs, Eve looks at her and suddenly realize the promise she won’t be able to fulfill to the blonde from the way her facial expression change from surprised to worry. Villanelle knows what she’s thinking. Before another word comes out of Eve’s mouth, she smiles at her.

“I know, it’s fine. They probably want to celebrate your nomination like I wanted to,” she removes confetti from Eve’s hair then playfully pinch her cheek, “I told you I wasn’t dressed for the occasion.”

Eve laughs, “Oh, come on!”

They continue going upstairs and Eve’s mom is waiting for their arrival.

“Annyeong eomma,” Eve bows respectfully to her mother and kiss her on the cheek, Eve’s mother engulfs her with a big hug. All of them are watching the scene unfold, happy for the only person they have in common, Eve.

“You didn’t tell me you are nominated for some prestigious award, Evie,” her mother says.

“I just don’t want to get your hopes up, eomma. Joesonghabnida.”

“It’s okay, sweetheart. This young woman invited me to your surprise party, anyway,” Irina proudly stands beside Eve’s mother.

“Of course, Irina,” Eve states.

“You’re welcome, Eve,” Irina replies.

Of course, her little shit sister has something to do with this.

“Oh and eomma, this is Villanelle,” Eve says.

Villanelle tries to muster her best smile but she’s having a panic attack inside. She’s is conflicted about whether to bow as Eve did or to just shake her hand. She’s nervous and Villanelle is never nervous. And for the love of the universe, Eve’s mom saves her from her misery by hugging her.

“Nice to meet you, Villanelle,” she lets go, “I heard a lot about from—”

“Okay! Eomma, have you eaten yet? Let’s get some food,” Eve interrupts her mother and guides her out of everyone’s amusement.

Villanelle blushes but before she can process a single thing that’s happening right now, Hugo is pulling her for a hug.

“Now, it’s time to partyyyy!” Hugo shouts and takes Villanelle with him to the bar.

* * *

Everyone is having their best time, most especially the doctors—perhaps, a yacht party is necessary once in a while to blow some steam off.

The sun is about to set in a few minutes and the people are divided into small groups. Interns are playing pool in the middle of the deck, Konstantin and Carolyn are enjoying their coffee beside the jacuzzi, Bill and Jess are drinking at the bar, her mother and Irina are chatting about something on the phone, and Eve is casually leaning at the railing—taking in the scene around her. Maybe, after all, she did some good things in her life to deserve these amazing people.

“Lost in the moment?” the blonde suddenly appears from nowhere.

“Oh my god, Villanelle. You should wear a bell or something, you’ll give me a heart attack!” Eve playfully swats her arm.

“Oh, Eve. Don’t be so dramatic,” Villanelle rolls her eyes, “Care to join me at the bow to watch the sunset?”

Eve nods. Villanelle takes her hand, feeling bold. They reach the double-sun lounger at the bow in no time. Eve notices the two drinks waiting for them. They sit beside each other, shoulder-to-shoulder, enjoying the sea waves and the beautiful scene unfolding around them.

“You know it’s your fault,” Villanelle plainly states out of the comfortable silence they are in.

“What is?” She turns to look at the blonde only to be stunned by how the sun accentuates the sharp and perfect facial features of the young woman. Villanelle smiles.

_Beautiful asshole._

“Wow, you’re that bad at giving compliments, huh?” Villanelle says, she turns to look at her and Eve is drowning in how her hazel eyes change colors under the sun. She forgot how she might have said what she’s thinking out loud the moment before from the way the blonde reacted, “You know Eve, I’ll be back in the hospital in no time at this rate.”

Eve notices how her jaw clenches, trying hard to pretend she’s not cold with only her plain black tube top. Eve takes off her gray Burberry plaid tailored jacket and put it over the blonde’s shoulders.

“You know for a Russian, you’re not used to the—what are you doing?”

“Keeping you warm. You’ll get cold in no time with only your white shirt, doctor. We do not want your patients to get mad at me back home, yes?”

Eve blushes, silently thanking whoever it is from above that the blonde cannot see her from behind. Villanelle is effectively keeping them warm by holding Eve closer to her chest with her long arms protectively covering Eve from the cold ocean breeze. As they watch the sun sets— meeting the ocean and slowly getting lost in it—Eve thinks that above all else, Villanelle is keeping her warm by making her feel things she forgets that exist. It’s the same but different in all ways from what Eve had to experience in her life. It is too strong to wrap her mind around, and enough to keep Eve warm.

_Click._

Irina chuckles, waving the polaroid up in the air while running away from them.

“For Eomma’s scrapbook!” Irina informs them.

“Scrapbook?!” Villanelle asks, “Eomma? She gets to call her Eomma, Eve!” she whines and rests her chin on one of Eve`s shoulders.

Eve laughs.

“I can feel you pouting, V.”

“No, I’m not.”  
“Whatever you say,” Eve shrugs, “Don’t take it personally, Eomma likes brilliant young adults who want to pursue a career in medicine or law. You know, it is the Korean in her.”

Villanelle stays quiet for a few minutes. 

“Eve?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you think it’s too late for me to change career and start medical school?

Eve laughs heartily but doesn’t say anything. They join the group at the second deck a few minutes later for dinner. Maybe it’s the incoming holiday season, the event the following day, or the place. But Eve is sure that these people are what she only needs in her life. She gave her whole life to medicine and medicine somehow gave her people who she can depend on no matter what. If it comes with a young, gorgeous, and blonde Russian, then who she is to complain?

“Let’s take a group picture!” Irina announces as she hands one of the servers the polaroid.

“One, two…,” Eve feels Villanelle leaning closer from beside her and the action makes her smile even wider, “Smile!”

Moments later, they find themselves alone at the yacht after the others go back to their hotels to rest for tomorrow’s main event. They are observing the lively nightlife of Santa Monica Pier from the comfortable couch of the yacht on the upper deck.  
“I simply cannot believe how Irina was able to invite your mom and agreed to share a room with her,” Villanelles says as if she’s lost a battle.

“You sound jealous, hmm?”

“Please Eve, parents love me. I was just unprepared.”

“It is not what it looks like, but okay,” Eve shrugs, “I can’t thank your family enough for bringing them all here, V. I never thought I needed this.”

“No, this is our family giving thanks to your hard work for my case,” Villanelle smiles at her then looks at the bay again, “Besides, you deserve to be this happy all the time, Eve.”

“Thank you. Can you please send me Irina’s number so that I can thank her personally later for taking care of my mom?”

Villanelle pouts again, “That little shit.”

Eve laughs, “She’s a good sister you know. By the way, what it is with your family and photographs? You and Irina take a lot of pictures almost every time.”

Villanelle takes a deep breath. Eve notices the change in her eyes, a mixture of emotions until she looks at Eve and the brunette recognizes that it is a deep love she’s looking at.

“My mother is a photographer when she was younger. She always reminded us that time is the most valuable thing one can ever possess. It is cannot be taken from us nor we cannot take it back. What we can do is to spend it in a way we are truly happy and when we do, make sure to capture it. A moment only lasts a split second and it will never happen again ever in this life. And, that’s when the beauty of photography comes in, the only trick to freezing time—to make a moment last forever,” Villanelle sips from her wine glass while Eve absorbs the information given, “Besides, you know for sure how important time is. You saw life and death almost every day in your work,” she adds.

“That’s brilliant and wise, I wish I was able to know your mother.”

“Me too, she would have like too much.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long to update. I appreciate the comments so much! Thank you for reading. I love y'all.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes! I am a fan of Grey's Anatomy and I can't think of a better opening scene than Bailey's speech for her interns.


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